Saturday, September 29, 2007


My picks were so terrible last week that I decided to suspend myself for one week. Now that I've served my time (and the WAD is still missing) here's what's on my mind.

Today I watched the OU/Colorado game up to the point that OU lead 24-7. Then I had to go to a wedding. Someone my wife works with. Someone I don't know at all. Good times.

I felt safe leaving with a 17 point lead. I even recorded the rest on my VCR (not DVR, Fite is cheap). I was looking forward to coming home to a taped ass-whipping. It was not to be.

I think the bad karma started when I posted Shalls' lock of the week. It was a snotty way to say he wanted Colorado +23. Then I left the Sooners to go to church. I'm a monotheistic disciple of the church of Stoops. I'm not sure what I was doing in that so-called "Baptist" house of worship. I'll never make that mistake again.

We heard the score at the reception, and it was a frosty drive home. Mrs. Me asked "are you going to be in a shitty mood from here on out today?" I answered "I've been in a shitty mood since you dragged me from the TV, so the loss really hasn't changed anything, has it?" Marital bliss.

So we get home and I put on the Longhorns game. My mood improved as I watched them get their asses kicked. OU still has a chance at the Big XII title.

From what I've seen of Texas this year, they've been vastly overrated. The only dominating win they've had was against Rice. I'm hopeful that OU's loss today will motivate the team to come out on fire next week.

Way to go Tech. If a GT win doesn't get the WAD posting, nothing will.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Where in the hell is The WAD?

20 days later and still no sign of The WAD...what the hell is going on here?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Notre Dame, links, and a few picks

You'd think that Notre Dame would be trying to avoid negative press, but apparently that's not the case. The Irish have decided not to release Demetrius Jones from his scholarship. Jones, as you already know, was N.D.'s starting quarterback in the first game of the season. After he got benched, he decided to transfer to Norther Illinois.

Since Jones is still under scholarship with Notre Dame, Northern Illinois can't give him one. This means that N.D. is literally making Jones pay for leaving the team. Why would Jesus' team act this way?

I blame the media. Now that the Irish are 0-3, people are starting to wonder why Weis is getting contract extensions while Ty Willingham was fired after the third year of his five year deal. Many sportswriters think it has something to do with the "R" word.

So maybe N.D. is trying to show the world that they aren't a bunch of "r"ists. They've deiced to do something nice for a "B" man: they're offering to pay his tuition at N.D. even if he doesn't want to go there. The NAACP must be proud.

Late breaking news: after writing this, I saw that N.D. might let Jones out, but only to certain schools. Northern Illinois is not one of those schools.

Arizona +8 at Baltimore

Baltimore's D is still solid, and Arizona's offense is inconsistent. Seems like the Ravens are the obvious choice, but I'll take the Cards. At this point we don't know how healthy McNair is (much like every other season) and I just don't think they'll score enough to cover. This looks like 17-10 type of game.

Lions +7 at Eagles

I'm drinking the Kool-Aid. I can't help myself, I've been a Lions fan since the 49ers let Montana go and I haven't had much to cheer for. Add that to the fact that McNabb hasn't looked right all season, and I'll take the points all day long. Quick quiz: name Philly's WRs. Unless you've got them on your fantasy team, I'd be shocked if you got more than one. And Westbrook doesn't count.

San Diego -5 at Green Bay

This has to be the week two strange trends end: San Diego's offense sucking and Green Bay winning games. Lambeau's still warm this time of year, and LDT is overdue for a huge game. For God's sake, he's tied as the 18th best fantasy RB after 3 weeks. That has to piss him off.

Carolina -4 at Atlanta

Harrington will cost the dirty birds more than 4 points this week. Count on it. We all know how great he is in pressure situations, and now that he's got the WAD MOTW looking over his shoulder, you can feel the choke coming.

Penn State -3 at Lloyd Carr's funeral

Maybe all Michigan needed was one good game. There's no doubt that they've got talent, and now that they know they can win the rest of the season will go well. Maybe. But it's not going to start this weekend. Penn State has good athletes, and JoePa isn't coaching them anymore. Don't kid yourself, that "I like it in the booth" is a line. They've told gramps to go sit in the corner for a few hours each Saturday, and let the assistants take over. And the assistants have done well.

Texas Tech -6 at Oklahoma State

I'll be the first to admit it, I thought OSU would have a good offense this year. I even made them my first lock of the week against Georgia. At least other people fell for it too, including Fiutak, who Stats has a man-crush on. Anyway, OSU lost to Troy last week 41-23. I think Tech is better than Troy, so I'll lay the points.

Alabama -3.5 v. Georgia

For our Sagarin draft, I took Alabama solely because of Saban. I think he's a disgusting human being, but a great coach. I've seen first-hand what a quality coach can do. Two years after Stoops arrived, he won a title with a bunch of players he inherited from some crappy teams. Yes, he made some great moves (bringing in Heupel) but he mostly coached the players that were already there.

No matter how bad Alabama has looked lately, they still have decent athletes. Add a good coach to the mix, and they can play over their heads. I think that last week's game taught them a lesson, and they'll learn to finish games. The crowd will be crazy, the team pumped, and Georgia's in big trouble.

Links of the day:
  • Many lonely Tech nerds are interested in this guy's new invention.
  • I'll update these as I find more throughout the day.

Have a nice day,

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

WADless Wednesday

As some of you may have noticed, the WAD has not been heard from since his last post 10 days ago. This morning, Big Ern sent me this article. For the next few hours we were both concerned - was the WAD under that tarp?

Despite several attempts at contacting the WAD, we have no proof of life. However, after some research I think we can all rest assured that he is OK. I began by studying the stock market. Philip Morris has remained steady, indicating a constant level of product sales. Without the WAD's massive purchases, Atlanta would have quickly become overstocked.

Maybe he has finally found his dream girl, or he's home looking at a little hard-core. Who knows?

WAD, if you're out there, reply to this post. Let us know you're OK.

If anybody has more time on their hands than I do, feel free to e-mail me anything you want on the post. And don't forget to get me your locks of the week.

Have a nice day,

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday with Fite

So much for the WAD coming back this week. There's just too much going on right now for me to pass up the chance at a half-assed post.

Let's start with the Patriots. The team got fined $250,000, but nobody cares. If you can own an NFL team a quarter of a million is pocket change. Sticking a homeless-looking head coach for $500,000 has to hurt. You don't have to be real good at math to understand that it's really an $850,000 fine because he's got to pay it with after tax income.

Maybe it's just a cost of doing business. If you've been cheating your whole career you've been getting raises based on the results. The fine is fair and it sends a clear message to every other coach in the league: you'll be held accountable, so make sure you know what your people are doing.

Then there's the draft picks. Unless this causes a huge distraction, or Tom Brady dies, this team is making the playoffs. Losing a first round pick is an appropriate penalty. The Patriots committed an offense as a team, and it makes sense to punish the entire team for that act.

The other big story is that Orenthal the murderer is a suspect in a Las Vegas robbery. The Juice claims he's innocent, but plans to write another "If I Did It" book. The Goldmans are already looking at how they can garnish any wages OJ might earn in jail.

What about Greg Oden? I don't care about the NBA.

Don't forget to get your locks of the week in. Either post them here or e-mail me and I'll put them up.

Have a nice day,

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The WAD will return soon

The WAD has been busy at his real job lately, but word on the street is that he'll be wrapping a few things up today. We can all look forward to the WAD's undivided attention in the days ahead.


What is an appropriate punishment for the Patriots if the NFL confirms that they stole signals? Early reports indicate that they stole signals and that there was a similar incident last year at Green Bay.

The first question is, obviously, who the hell needs to steal signals against the Packers?

The second question is determining a proper punishment. I think that they should forfeit the game as well as next year's first and third round draft picks. I also think that NFL security should post an additional observer or two on the Pats sideline for the rest of the season.

This case also makes me wonder what the NFL can do to coaches. Does it have the authority to suspend Bellichek for a few weeks? That would be an interesting idea, you cheat and you can't coach or be around the players for a month.

What about fining the Kraft family? Or taking away in-helmet radio communications with Brady?

I'll leave it to the WAD's faithful readers - what should the NFL do if the Pats are guilty?

Have a nice day,

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Saturday Night Lights

Let me tell you how good it feels to be laying on my couch with a porterhouse residing in my stomach and college football on both big screens. I won’t bore you with the details of my week, but suffice it to say that this is the first time I’ve had to relax for quite some time. And, assuming that I didn’t undercook the porterhouse, which is a fact that is very much up in the air at the moment, I plan on spending a little time indulging myself and hopefully entertaining you. Don’t worry, if I didn’t get the job done with the steak, I will spare you the details.

We are quickly approaching the conclusion of the second week of college football, and we’ve already had more than our fair share of surprises. I mean, did you ever envision a world where ND, Miami, Michigan, and FSU would all be horrible? I have to be careful what I say about Michigan because I truly value my friendship with Huge, and I really am fearful that he is going to harm himself or somebody else, but I can’t ignore what is going on in Ann Arbor. Is it possible that the Wolverines haven’t recovered from their epic loss in the Horseshoe last November? Is it possible that the maze and blue would be better off with Chan Gailey wearing the headsets than Lloyd Carr? Is it possible that Reggie Ball has inhabited Chad Henne’s body? I don’t know what the answer is, but I’ve never seen a more stunning fall from prominence. I mean, it is possible that one occurred while I was in college and I was too drunk to remember it, but somebody will have to remind me. The only thing I can say with any certainty about the state of Michigan football is that it is bad…very bad. Oh, and Lloyd Carr is going to be doing studio work on The Big Ten Network next season.

As far as Miami goes, not many teams can go into Norman and compete with the Sooners, but you are The U for God’s sake! Have some f*cking pride, men. Think of all the great men that have gone before you. Sure, Michael Irvin and Benny Blades have had their issues with the law, but they never would have gone out like the Canes did today. Can somebody please get a boat load of blow and swagger to South Beach in a hurry? Can’t we all agree that college football is a better place when we have loads of blow and swagger in South Beach? And, oh, by the way, OU is back and as good as ever. It’s only taken six freaking years, but Stoops finally has a quarterback good enough to take him back to the promised land. Boomer!

As a quick aside, South Carolina just held on to beat Georgia. Too bad for the Dawgs. Really, I’m heart broken. On the bright side, Spurrier only had the second best recruiting class in the country last year. I’m sure USC won’t be good for very long! And yes, I’m feeling very good about my Steve Spurrier will win the SEC East within four years prediction…very good. God bless Steve Spurrier.

Let’s talk about Notre Dame for a minute. They are horrible. No way to sugar coat it. They might not win three games this year, but you can’t help but be impressed by the way Jimmy Clausen hung in there and made some outstanding throws in the fourth quarter. It’s not going to be a fun season in South Bend, but if they can put some speed and athleticism around Clausen in the next few years, The Irish might win a bowl game in the Clausen era. Maybe!

Seeing as how they managed to pull off a victory, I’m sure some of you are wondering why I’m picking on FSU today. Well, UAB did dominate 40 minutes of that game, and UAB lost by 33 to a woeful Michigan St. team last week. In other words, FSU has nothing to be proud of tonight.
I’m sure you folks are expecting me to say something, if not a lot, about the impressive 2-0 start by Georgia Tech. Well, if that is what you are expecting, you don’t know me as well as I though you did. Things have gone better than I could have imagined in the first two weeks, and I am not about screw it up by talking about it. Surely, you knew that!

Here’s a few more expert observations before I put the laptop away and fall asleep watching LSU punish Va. Tech:

1) LSU is very good;

2) Auburn’s Brandon Cox has managed to get worse every year he has played. He is the Robert O’Kelly of college football;

3) Eddie Royal of Va. Tech has my favorite name in college football;

4) Despite the fact that he used the word “tough” 7 times in 12 seconds, Bob Davie has somehow become my favorite college football announcer. I can’t believe I just typed those words, but I did, and I can’t take it back now;

5) If South Florida beats Auburn tonight, how long will it take Tommy Tubberville to start bitching about a playoff? I’m guessing less than 13 seconds. He sucks;

6) I just saw a shot of Va. Tech’s stud freshman quarterback, Tyrod Taylor, and he is from Hampton, VA, which prompts the following questions: 1) How many great athletes come out of Hampton, VA; 2) Why is Tyrod not in this game; 3) Can we agree to call him “TT”; and 4) Insert dog fighting joke here.

And, here are my week 1 NFL picks:

1) Houston -3 v. K.C.;

2) Denver -3 @ Buffalo;

3) Cleveland +4 v. Pittsburgh;

4) Tennessee +7 @ Jax;

5) Carolina +1 @ St. Louis;

6) G.B. +3 v. Philly;

7) Atlanta +3 @ Minnesota;

8) Washington -3 v. Miami;

9) Jets +6.5 v. N.E.;

10) Seattle -6 v. T.B.;

11) Chicago +6 @ San Diego;

12) Detroit +3 @ Oakland;

13) Giants +6 @ Dallas;

14) Cincy -3 v. Baltimore;

15) San Fran. -3 v. Arizona.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Online Auction

The Machi bowl had its first online auction draft tonight. All things considered, it went pretty well. Nice job Shalloway setting everything up. The only real technical difficulty came toward the end, when several people (Fite, Ball, Ern) were all thrown off at the same time. But nobody should complain, because the last round or two shouldn't change anyone's lineup.

What did we learn? The autodrafters were willing to go MUCH higher than real live online humans. It got pretty funny watching the WAD's team take 853 wide receivers, without taking a RB. Fite's team, on the other hand, tried to outsmart the auto bidders and ended up with too many QBs. Needless to say, we all learned a lesson or two.

I think we were all shocked to find out that the WAD and Stats, two of the most degenerate f*cks anybody has ever known, both autodrafted. I guess the real world got in the way...or they're both puss*es. You never know.

It's too early to tell who the big winner of the draft was. But we know who lost: Big Ern. With no wild card this year, there's no way such a sorry sack of sh*t makes the playoffs this year.

Today is an open day for WAD nation, let us know what you're thinking about. Those of you that are thinking Fite overbid for Adrian Peterson, you're right.

Have a nice day,


Undercover brother can't say the "letter between m and o word."

The Great Debate

Here's your visual for the morning: I'm laying in a twin bed in a crappy hotel room in Baton Rouge watching "Saved By the Bell" as I stare down the barrell of another wonderful day of practicing law. And yes, I've already ordered room service. Good times. As much as I would love to recap the antics of Zack, Screech, and Slater, I'm going to spare you that fate. Instead, I'm going to throw a topic out there for discussion:

What has happened to Florida State? Is it coaching? Has the rest of the ACC caught up with them? Are they pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" with Bobby Bowden? Are they simply the victim of poor quarterback play? In other words, how did they go from a dominate program to an also ran in the ACC in such a short period of time? I hate to admit it, but for some inexplicable reason I almost feel bad for Bowden and company...almost.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Wide Open Weekend Wrap-up

Tech looked amazing...UGA looked fantastic...App. State pulled off the greatest upset in college football history...Oklahoma just scored again...Clemson is putting a fork in the Bowden era at FSU as I speak...The WAD went 10-5...and, "Medellin" bombed. In other words, there is a ton to talk about this Tuesday morning, and I'm going to do what any good host would do: shut up and stay out of the way and let you guys carry the conversation today. And, trust me, the fact that I'm exhausted from working all weekend, feel like crap, and have to catch a flight in the morning have nothing to do with this me.

I'll do my best to check in from lovely Baton Rouge Tuesday night.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Better Late Than Never

It's twenty minutes after midnight, and I just got home from work, threw a hot dog in the microwave, threw a load of laundry in the washer, and decided that it was about time I sat down and gave you all what you have undoubtedly been waiting all day for: My Week 1 ATM's. ATM's, you ask? It's obvious, baby...step up to these picks and take your cash out. Okay, we all know that's not true, but it felt good to write. Actually, I sat here and read it out loud in my John Anthony voice, and it was pretty sweet. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, check just click here:

Please forgive me for the lack of analysis. Afterall, it is late, and...well...the only two things I know about college football at the moment are that USC is really good and Reggie Ball no longer plays for Georgia Tech. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure what more you possibly need to know.

1) Penn State - 38 v. FIU

2) Marshall +18 @ Miami, FL.

3) UConn -4.5 @ Duke

4) UVA -3 @ Wyoming

5) BC -6 v. Wake ( I refuse to believe last year ever happened)

6) WVU v. WMU - Over 56

7) Nebraska -21 v. Nevada

8) Stanford +17 v. UCLA

9) Iowa -12 @ N. Illinois

10) Houston @ Oregon - Over 57.5

11) Georgia Tech +1 @ ND (is it just me or has a ton of money come in on the Jackets And yes, I think we are so much better than ND that I would be willing to bet on Chan Gailey on the road vs. Charlie Weis. I'm going to live to regret ever writing that).

12) UGA -6.5 v. OSU

13) Oklahoma v. N. Texas - Over 56

14) Texas - WHATEVER v. Arkansas State

15) Tennessee +6 @ CAL

So, there you have it, Week 1's money makers. Sorry for the less than stellar peformance this week. Unfortunately, the folks at the job didn't get the memo that the WAD was back. I'll make sure the bosses get their act together in the weeks to come.