Whoever had 8 months and 10 days in the “how long can The WAD keep his mouth shut” pool is the big winner. Ah, who am I kidding? The WAD is back, baby…everybody’s a big winner! I’ve been kicking around the idea of jumping back on the horse for a few weeks, and a little prodding from the roommate, Hans (yes, he amazingly has not kicked me out yet!), some subtle prodding from Stats, and the dawn of football season only weeks away, I just couldn’t hold back. After all, my expert commentary and legendary wagering advice have become tradition over the past two football seasons, and when it comes to tradition, who am I to stand in the way? I think Nas said it best when he opined, “carry on tradition, carry, c-carry on tradition, carry on tradition, when you rep what we rep, you carry on tradition” So, let’s get to the business of repping what we rep and carry on this tradition.
A lot has transpired since we parted ways back in January. Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of the highlights:
Peyton Manning managed not to gag in the big game;
Lebron led the worst team ever to win a major professional sports conference to a humiliating sweep in the NBA Finals;
Billy Donovan once again proved that good things happen to bad people;
Paris Hilton went to jail;
Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears lost their minds and proved that rehab really does work;
Barry Bonds broke the most sacred record in sports and nobody cared;
“Ice Road Truckers” and “The Two Coreys” became the most addictive shows of a miserable television off season;
Vince and E pulled off “Medellin” and Drama landed a part on a hit show;
“The Sopranos” faded to black with the sweet lyrics of Journey in the background…weird;
Heidi and Spencer started a rumor that LC and Jason made an...uh...adult video;
I took two trips to Vegas, one trip to New Orleans, and one trip to Atlantic City. I have done a lot to promote the local economies in all three locations. What can I say? I'm a giver;
We were shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that an NBA ref could be bought; and if that’s not enough;
Michael Vick made it socially acceptable to use the term “rape stand” in the office. Thanks for that, Mike. I mean, so what if you destroyed our franchise and let down every person that has dumped money into Falcons season tickets, at least you gave us something. I just threw up on myself.
I could serve up about 5,000 words on all these developments, especially Paris, Britney, and Lohan, but since this is the first day back, I’m going to just ease back into this and only address the one issue that everybody in this town won’t shut up about, Vick.
Over the past few weeks, everybody I know, everybody I’ve met, and even a dude on the subway in New York have asked me my opinion on this situation, and honestly, I’m really tired of the whole thing. At the end of the day, I think we’ve learned two things: 1) Mike Vick isn’t much of a dog lover, and 2) if you want to become the most vilified man in America, don’t rob a bank, don’t lie, cheat or steal, hell, don’t even kill another human being…kill some dogs, that should do the trick.
Before you start blasting me, you have to understand that I’m not defending or advocating the killing of dogs. In fact, I'm pretty anti dog killing. I’m simply saying that in light of all the problems we have in the world today, I find the level of outrage over this whole thing a bit staggering. I mean, it’s not like he was trying carry weed on an airplane in a water bottle! A little perspective is all I’m asking for. That being said, I don’t plan on ever typing the words Michael Vick again. He is my Fredo Corleone…he’s dead to me. Well, unless he somehow becomes the Falcons’ quarterback again. If that happens, my memory of this off-season should fade pretty quickly.
Okay, I know this isn’t my best work, but I’m just happy to be back. Over the next two weeks we are going to rev this thing back up with plenty of college football talk, some NFL, maybe even a little talk about the pennant races, and definitely some talk about “The Hills.” Go ahead and prepare yourselves.