Monday, December 17, 2007

Michigan strikes it Rich

Rather than face Bob Stoops, Rich Rodriguez ran to Michigan. Personally, I think it was great timing on his part. Slaton is gone, and White will probably join him. Next year would be a tough one for the Mountaineers, and Rich's star might not be so bright. It must have been a tough decision leaving his alma mater, especially after his recent success.

What does this mean for Michigan? Longtime reader Hugh says "Generally, spirits are high here. My thoughts are that he is better than Miles or Schiano, not as good as STOOPS." At least UM got their man in a timely manner. Rich can now hit the road recruiting players to fit his system.

I've always believed that big time schools, like Michigan, have good enough players riding the bench to succeed if given a good coach. Take Oklahoma, for example. Once Stoops came in he only needed a few juco transfers to win a title. Other than that, he used players that John Blake couldn't get more than a few wins out of.

So Rodriguez should have some good athletes to coach. The question is, will he get results like Stoops, or results like Bill Callahan? Both Stoops and Callahan inherited teams that had been built to run. Stoops and Mike Leach installed a crazy passing scheme, and Callahan tried to run the West Coast offense.

I haven't watched a single Michigan game all year, so I can't say how well the current players will be able to adapt to the spread option. However, these next few weeks on the recruiting trail will play a huge role in Rich's career. He has taken a job where 9-3 or 8-4 just isn't good enough, and losing to THE Ohio State University is unaccptable. He shouldn't expect the same latitude that Weis is getting at Notre Dame. Rich will have to recruit players this winter that will be able to run his offense in 2009.

As for 2008, it will probably be another 8-4 type year. There will be some growing pains, but they should steadily get better.

Now for the fantasy update that only Doyle and I care about. If my beloved Cleveland Steamers are to advance to the finals, I need 33 points from Adrian Peterson and the Vikings defense. I'm hoping the D will return at least two Kyle Orton passes for touchdowns, so that AD only needs to get 18-20 points. If I had pick who to pin my fantasy season on, it would be AD. The man crush continues to grow.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Big news, but the WAD remains silent

The hits keep coming for the Falcons. First they think that signing Joey Harrington is a good idea. Then Vick gets busted for dog fighting. Then they think signing Byron Leftwich is a good idea.

Petrino had to be wondering what he got himself into. Luckily for him, he decided to call Geico to save 15% on his car insurance. When Chris Redman answered, little Bobby thought Christmas came early.

As it turns out, the NFC is considerably tougher than the Big East. So Petrino decided to quit. From somewhere off in the distance Art Blank could hear Jim Mora Sr. laughing and saying that Vick has now killed more coaching careers than pit bulls.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Search is Over

Congrats on getting a fresh seaman.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Kanye West + Evel Knievel = dead honkey




Here are a few more things that you might find interesting:

Eliza Dushku's new movie about group sex.

While we're on the topic, researchers at Columbia say that women that don't lose their virginity until their 20s can face sexual disfunction later in life. Those of you who are single, feel free to print the article and take it to your favorite 18 and over club.

Or just go to Chile.

No, it's not bukkake, but Rodney King got shot in the face.

Inmate #1: "whatchu in fo?"
Inmate #2: "robbing a store with a stapler."
Inmate #1: "bend over"


Have a nice day.

Fite

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bye Bye Chan

Tech hasn't beat UGA since before I was in law school. Wow. Somebody had to go (although only 6 in a row were on Chan's watch).

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Bye bye Lloyd

Faithful reader Huge would like a debate on who Michigan should hire. Since I'm on vacation in lovely OKC, I'll let this column write itself. Let's hear some suggestions.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Football news

In case you hadn't heard, Patrick Crayton ran his mouth a little after the Giants game. He said "It's kind of about coming into somebody else's house and trying to be the big dog … You urinate a little bit and mark your territory."

Here's an idea whose time is long overdue: Alabama needs a real elephant on the sidelines.

Say you've got a guy with 9 kids by 9 different women. Now suppose you've got him hooked up to a lie detector. Would you only ask about smoking pot? Me neither.

My coach of the week award goes to Utah coach Kyle Whittingham, whose testes must drag the ground. I'd be afraid for my personal safety if I tried going for on onside kick leading 43-0 in PlayStation football, let alone D-1. I think Wyoming coach Joe Glenn showed remarkable restraint by only flipping him the bird.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Monday, November 12, 2007

Might as well have put Peterson on the cover of Madden

I haven't said a damn thing about Peterson all season. But when I do, his knee gets hurt. Consider this my final Peterson post.

Of course I got the double whammy - my favorite player gets hurt and it screws my fantasy team in the process. At least Joe Addai had a good game. What's that? Manning threw 6 picks so the running game never got started? Fite's (third person alert) two running backs go down and the Lebowski rolls.

When you feel like I do, there's only one thing that can cure the blues: more cowbell.

Have a nice day,
Fite


Atlanta update: this story made me laugh. It also made me think that I won't be investing an a taser.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Mangino was 10-0 once before, then Kobayashi started competing

What to watch this weekend:

Coach Fran is a 19 point dog at Mizzou. Since getting waxed by OU, Aggieland has been buzzing with rumors of a contract buyout. There is no truth to the speculation that they are waiting for coach Callahan to be on the market. I think Tech fans can sympathize with the Aggies - all the A&M fans I work with want them to lose to get rid of their coach. Fortunately for them, it looks like the Aggies will lose this week and to Texas.

Rock, chalk, Jayhawk - the fighting Manginos are going for a 10-0 start this weekend as 6 point favorites at Oklahoma State. This has been a rough week for the Pokes. First they lose to Texas after leading by 21, then their starting linebacker pleads guilty to molesting a 12 year old girl when he was 17. A Kansas win all but assures the Sooners a trip to the Big XII championship game. Even if OSU beats OU, then OU will win the tiebreaker against Texas.

Tech plays Duke. I almost fell asleep just thinking about it.

Congratulations Kuhn. You dropped Pennington and now you're starting Vinny Testaverde. No wonder you're getting 18 points against Ball's terrible team (which, in the interest of full disclosure, I should say handed my beloved Cleveland Steamers their only loss of the year).

I think posting odds on fantasy matchups is one of the most interesting, yet useless, things I've seen in a while.

The WAD faces off against Stats this week. Currently they're both starting two bye week players. Way to care guys. Way to care.

In case you're wondering, and I know you are, here's an update on Wesley Snipes' tax-evasion case.

Don't forget to send me your locks of the week. From the look of things, there's not a single reader of the WAD that should be gambling.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Stats wants a debate

Here's Stats' question of the day:

If Adrian Peterson is statistically the best rookie, but his team sucks, does he deserve rookie of the year over Calvin Johnson, who is taking the Lions places they've never been before, while producing mediocre stats? Perhaps Johnson draws so much attention, thats the reason why the Lions are winning.


Fite's reply, which tries to stir the pot a little:

I agree that AD has the best stats, so I'm just going to look at what CJ has done. Through 8 games, the Lions are averaging 250 passing yards per game (I'm only looking at Kitna, which means I'm leaving out J.T. O'Sullivan's 148 trash time yards). Last year, Kitna averaged 263 yards/game. So with CJ in the lineup, Detroit is averaging fewer passing yards per game.

Kitna also threw 21 TDs last year. He's on pace for 20 this year. Again, no improvement.

Things look even worse for CJ when you compare him to other rookie receivers. Try this link, from NFL.com. CJ is 4th in receptions (behind Dwayne Bowe, James Jones, and GREG OLSON a tight end). CJ's 3rd in yards, behind Bowe and James, and he's tied for 3d with 2 TDs (behind Bowe and MATT SPAETH another TE).

Finally, CJ has fewer catches than his teammate Furrey, who is a white boy from North Iowa. Ouch.

The point is that CJ hasn't improved the Lions stats, and he's not taking them places they haven't been before. The Lions won championships before they were called Super Bowls, so they've been to the top.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Big XII

The Big XII has been ripped this year. Now they've got three teams in the top 7 of the polls, and 3 of the top 6 in the BCS rankings.

Who's better than the Big XII? Not the Big 11. Ohio State and Michigan are having good seasons, but what about everybody else? Not the SEC. At least they have LSU and Georgia in the top ten, but nobody else is separating themselves from the pack.

I'd have to say that the order goes Big XII, Pac-10, SEC, Big X, ACC, Big East, then Hawaii (included to show Stats that their Sagarin rating is well-earned).

And for any Oklahoma State fans out there - don't you get sick of being up by at least 21 points three of the past five years and losing to Texas?

NAVY, NAVY, NAVY, NAVY, NAVY.

During the Eagles last night, they showed Jim Cramer (mad money guy) sitting in a box wearing an Eagles jersey. If you want to give me financial advice, you can use crazy sound effects OR wear a jersey. Not both, it's just too much.

Have a nice day,
Fite


P.S. The wife and I participated in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk on Sunday morning. The first thing that caught my eye was the parking situation: they had lots reserved for "survivors" with other lots for "non-survivors." That's right, the official event maps had spots designated for "non-survivors." There has to be a better phrase.

Anyway, after parking in the non-survivor lot, we boarded a shuttle to the event check-in. At Hooters. Of course they didn't say registration was in the Hooters parking lot, they just gave an address. Did Fite pull out a camera and take a picture? You bet. What a morning.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Hangover Friday

I'm assuming everybody in Atlanta is hungover today. You'd have to get canned to watch a game like that.

My favorite moment was the first play. It's a beautiful night in Atlanta, and the stadium is rocking for a nationally televised game. Rocking so much that the HOME TEAM has to take a timeout before the first offensive play of the game. If that's not good coaching, I don't know what is.

At least you had the benefit of seeing Sean Glennon wearing a Tech jersey. After a great game he rubbed a little salt in the wound saying "that was the jersey of a school I almost went to." Brutal.

Feel free to vent in the comments section, and get your locks in.

If you want something else to discuss, argue this case: If you force a hooker to have sex with you is it rape or theft of services? This judge says you're a thief.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Friday, October 26, 2007

The law, sports, and some news you can use

Andy sent me an e-mail this morning that got me thinking - as lawyers we really need to be careful in what we say and what we do:

Clearly, we can't have sex with a client. But what about the client's mother? Well, that's OK so long as you get the client to sign a permission slip.

What if we make things more difficult...your client (male) invites you to a three-way with his girlfriend. The three of you form a London Bridge. Is that OK? Yes, according to the Wisconsin Supreme Court (scroll to paragraph 56). Andy gets credit for this great find.

Sometimes even joking about sex can get you in trouble, especially if you're talking about a teenage boy.

On to sports. This week, I'm paying the Patriots the ultimate compliment: I've chosen to bench my Redskins defense and go without. I'm pretty happy with the Redskins, and I think they'll do well for the rest of the year. There's nobody on my bench I'm willing to put on the waiver wire for a one week fix at Defense, so the Patriots have scared me into not playing one.

Bill Callahan, lame-duck coach of Nebraska, recently said that he's doing an "excellent job." He's 4-3 this year, and 26-18 for his career. Obviously the fans love him. That sound you hear is Bo Pellini packing up and moving to Lincoln.


And here are a few bonus links to get you through your day:
Don't forget to get your locks in.

Have a nice day,
Fite

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

3 interesting stories for the day

Did anybody else know that Sloth, from the Goonies, was played by the number one pick in the 1973 NFL draft? His story is here, on page 16.

Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are 8th cousins.

Here's the obituary of the day. Read to the bottom to find out her final wish.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fite is gone

I'm leaving for a week vacation tomorrow. If you have picks for this week, get them to me in the next 4 1/2 hours before I leave work. Otherwise, they won't get posted (although I'll give credit for any I find in the inbox when I return).

For next week, send picks to Fisher.

In my last post, I encouraged everybody to check out Natalie Portman's new video. It's not worth it. You can find it easy enough, in full quality, with a quick google search. Unfortunately there's nothing to see. Everything is hidden, and the scene itself is far from "usable." Don't waste your time.

Enjoy the week.

Fite

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Welcome to the Austin WAF

Since there's no sign of the elusive WAD (probably the first time he's been called elusive), here are a few things to pass the time:

Our lead story is about the WAD man of the week.

You have to respect Texas Tech. For one thing, Mike Leach is a guy that decided to quit practicing law because he felt like being a coach. Tech students also keep things interesting by trying to sell Mike Vick shirts.

In more Vick news, he lost his arbitration.

Are you wondering which college coach will be fired next? Check out coaches hot seat. This is a great site that I just found out about. You can learn many interesting things, such as Chan Gailey having the 47th best career win percentage among D-1 coaches. You can kill some quality time on this site. I haven't looked at much of it, so if you find something interesting post it.

I can't get YouTube at work, so I'm posting this clip on blind faith. Apparently it's a funny ad from a Norman, OK car dealership.

Public service announcement: Natalie Portman did a nude scene. In this article, she tells us to watch it for free on the internet. Well, if she insists.

This guy is my favorite criminal of the day, and it's not even close.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The WAD is back...back again...

That’s right, you can all breathe easy again. The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. While it is true that I have been M.I.A. for over three weeks, the good folks at the American tobacco companies and the manufacturers of Cheetos have nothing to worry about. Fourth quarter earnings should be strong. So, I know you’ve all been dying to know where I’ve been hiding. I wish I had an exciting tale of great adventures in exotic locales, but unless you consider Baton Rouge, Pensacola, and the 30th floor of my office exotic, I’ve got nothing. I won’t bore you with the details, but things have been so crazy over the past several weeks that I haven’t attended a single Tech home game this year and I didn’t know that there was a one game playoff between the Rockies and Padres until Fish gave me the news yesterday afternoon. Hell, I didn’t know baseball season was over. In fact, I haven’t even logged into my fantasy football website to see the hand auto draft dealt me (although rumor has it that I have 9 wide receivers and the same record as Fish without even logging in). In sum, I’ve been consumed in a world of research, writing, and traveling to gawd awful places. The good news, however, is that as of tonight, I think it is over for a while, so I can give the WAD he attention it deserves. Aren’t you relieved? I know you are.

A funny thing happened over these last few weeks. I have written so much for work that I have forgotten how to write for pleasure. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. It took me thirty minutes to write the first paragraph, and let’s not kid each other, it wasn’t very entertaining. I’m going to need you to bear with me over the next few days as I get re-acclimated to the real world. In other words, I need time to watch some television, catch up on the world of sports, figure out how to write like a normal human being again, and come up with wildly entertaining and amusing topics to entertain you with. In the meantime, however, I will do us both a favor and not pretend like I have anything interesting to say today. Instead, I am going to revive an old theme and give you my top 7 favorite Alec Baldwin clips of all time. Why Alec Baldwin? Why not?

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZf2D57o8Kg

3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J253YPdX74&mode=related&search=

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54jN-xhVy04

5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuEBc9YS1c8

6) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqeC3BPYTmE

7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0meC76EEa30 (not actually a Baldwin clip, but he is in this movie and he is fantastic in it, and this is a hilarious scene, so deal with it).

Monday, October 01, 2007

Links

Here are a few good stories to pass the time:

This guy went crazy when Aflac denied his claim.

Husband of the year nominee #1: hey baby, SportsCenter is almost over.

Husband of the year nominee #2: hey baby, you're good, but not as good as my second wife.

While we're on the topic, everybody's favorite Oklahoma penis-pumper had his conviction upheld.

You don't have to be a lawyer to know that this was a bad idea.

This headline sounds like something straight from the trailer...

And finally, there's a beautiful symmetry in this story- Pam Anderson to marry Rick Salomon.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Karma

My picks were so terrible last week that I decided to suspend myself for one week. Now that I've served my time (and the WAD is still missing) here's what's on my mind.

Today I watched the OU/Colorado game up to the point that OU lead 24-7. Then I had to go to a wedding. Someone my wife works with. Someone I don't know at all. Good times.

I felt safe leaving with a 17 point lead. I even recorded the rest on my VCR (not DVR, Fite is cheap). I was looking forward to coming home to a taped ass-whipping. It was not to be.

I think the bad karma started when I posted Shalls' lock of the week. It was a snotty way to say he wanted Colorado +23. Then I left the Sooners to go to church. I'm a monotheistic disciple of the church of Stoops. I'm not sure what I was doing in that so-called "Baptist" house of worship. I'll never make that mistake again.

We heard the score at the reception, and it was a frosty drive home. Mrs. Me asked "are you going to be in a shitty mood from here on out today?" I answered "I've been in a shitty mood since you dragged me from the TV, so the loss really hasn't changed anything, has it?" Marital bliss.

So we get home and I put on the Longhorns game. My mood improved as I watched them get their asses kicked. OU still has a chance at the Big XII title.

From what I've seen of Texas this year, they've been vastly overrated. The only dominating win they've had was against Rice. I'm hopeful that OU's loss today will motivate the team to come out on fire next week.

Way to go Tech. If a GT win doesn't get the WAD posting, nothing will.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Where in the hell is The WAD?

20 days later and still no sign of The WAD...what the hell is going on here?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Notre Dame, links, and a few picks

You'd think that Notre Dame would be trying to avoid negative press, but apparently that's not the case. The Irish have decided not to release Demetrius Jones from his scholarship. Jones, as you already know, was N.D.'s starting quarterback in the first game of the season. After he got benched, he decided to transfer to Norther Illinois.

Since Jones is still under scholarship with Notre Dame, Northern Illinois can't give him one. This means that N.D. is literally making Jones pay for leaving the team. Why would Jesus' team act this way?

I blame the media. Now that the Irish are 0-3, people are starting to wonder why Weis is getting contract extensions while Ty Willingham was fired after the third year of his five year deal. Many sportswriters think it has something to do with the "R" word.

So maybe N.D. is trying to show the world that they aren't a bunch of "r"ists. They've deiced to do something nice for a "B" man: they're offering to pay his tuition at N.D. even if he doesn't want to go there. The NAACP must be proud.

Late breaking news: after writing this, I saw that N.D. might let Jones out, but only to certain schools. Northern Illinois is not one of those schools.


Arizona +8 at Baltimore

Baltimore's D is still solid, and Arizona's offense is inconsistent. Seems like the Ravens are the obvious choice, but I'll take the Cards. At this point we don't know how healthy McNair is (much like every other season) and I just don't think they'll score enough to cover. This looks like 17-10 type of game.

Lions +7 at Eagles

I'm drinking the Kool-Aid. I can't help myself, I've been a Lions fan since the 49ers let Montana go and I haven't had much to cheer for. Add that to the fact that McNabb hasn't looked right all season, and I'll take the points all day long. Quick quiz: name Philly's WRs. Unless you've got them on your fantasy team, I'd be shocked if you got more than one. And Westbrook doesn't count.

San Diego -5 at Green Bay

This has to be the week two strange trends end: San Diego's offense sucking and Green Bay winning games. Lambeau's still warm this time of year, and LDT is overdue for a huge game. For God's sake, he's tied as the 18th best fantasy RB after 3 weeks. That has to piss him off.

Carolina -4 at Atlanta

Harrington will cost the dirty birds more than 4 points this week. Count on it. We all know how great he is in pressure situations, and now that he's got the WAD MOTW looking over his shoulder, you can feel the choke coming.

Penn State -3 at Lloyd Carr's funeral

Maybe all Michigan needed was one good game. There's no doubt that they've got talent, and now that they know they can win the rest of the season will go well. Maybe. But it's not going to start this weekend. Penn State has good athletes, and JoePa isn't coaching them anymore. Don't kid yourself, that "I like it in the booth" is a line. They've told gramps to go sit in the corner for a few hours each Saturday, and let the assistants take over. And the assistants have done well.

Texas Tech -6 at Oklahoma State

I'll be the first to admit it, I thought OSU would have a good offense this year. I even made them my first lock of the week against Georgia. At least other people fell for it too, including Fiutak, who Stats has a man-crush on. Anyway, OSU lost to Troy last week 41-23. I think Tech is better than Troy, so I'll lay the points.

Alabama -3.5 v. Georgia

For our Sagarin draft, I took Alabama solely because of Saban. I think he's a disgusting human being, but a great coach. I've seen first-hand what a quality coach can do. Two years after Stoops arrived, he won a title with a bunch of players he inherited from some crappy teams. Yes, he made some great moves (bringing in Heupel) but he mostly coached the players that were already there.

No matter how bad Alabama has looked lately, they still have decent athletes. Add a good coach to the mix, and they can play over their heads. I think that last week's game taught them a lesson, and they'll learn to finish games. The crowd will be crazy, the team pumped, and Georgia's in big trouble.


Links of the day:
  • Many lonely Tech nerds are interested in this guy's new invention.
  • I'll update these as I find more throughout the day.

Have a nice day,
Fite

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

WADless Wednesday

As some of you may have noticed, the WAD has not been heard from since his last post 10 days ago. This morning, Big Ern sent me this article. For the next few hours we were both concerned - was the WAD under that tarp?

Despite several attempts at contacting the WAD, we have no proof of life. However, after some research I think we can all rest assured that he is OK. I began by studying the stock market. Philip Morris has remained steady, indicating a constant level of product sales. Without the WAD's massive purchases, Atlanta would have quickly become overstocked.

Maybe he has finally found his dream girl, or he's home looking at a little hard-core. Who knows?

WAD, if you're out there, reply to this post. Let us know you're OK.

If anybody has more time on their hands than I do, feel free to e-mail me anything you want on the post. And don't forget to get me your locks of the week.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday with Fite

So much for the WAD coming back this week. There's just too much going on right now for me to pass up the chance at a half-assed post.

Let's start with the Patriots. The team got fined $250,000, but nobody cares. If you can own an NFL team a quarter of a million is pocket change. Sticking a homeless-looking head coach for $500,000 has to hurt. You don't have to be real good at math to understand that it's really an $850,000 fine because he's got to pay it with after tax income.

Maybe it's just a cost of doing business. If you've been cheating your whole career you've been getting raises based on the results. The fine is fair and it sends a clear message to every other coach in the league: you'll be held accountable, so make sure you know what your people are doing.

Then there's the draft picks. Unless this causes a huge distraction, or Tom Brady dies, this team is making the playoffs. Losing a first round pick is an appropriate penalty. The Patriots committed an offense as a team, and it makes sense to punish the entire team for that act.

The other big story is that Orenthal the murderer is a suspect in a Las Vegas robbery. The Juice claims he's innocent, but plans to write another "If I Did It" book. The Goldmans are already looking at how they can garnish any wages OJ might earn in jail.

What about Greg Oden? I don't care about the NBA.

Don't forget to get your locks of the week in. Either post them here or e-mail me and I'll put them up.

Have a nice day,
Fite

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The WAD will return soon

The WAD has been busy at his real job lately, but word on the street is that he'll be wrapping a few things up today. We can all look forward to the WAD's undivided attention in the days ahead.


QUESTION OF THE DAY

What is an appropriate punishment for the Patriots if the NFL confirms that they stole signals? Early reports indicate that they stole signals and that there was a similar incident last year at Green Bay.

The first question is, obviously, who the hell needs to steal signals against the Packers?

The second question is determining a proper punishment. I think that they should forfeit the game as well as next year's first and third round draft picks. I also think that NFL security should post an additional observer or two on the Pats sideline for the rest of the season.

This case also makes me wonder what the NFL can do to coaches. Does it have the authority to suspend Bellichek for a few weeks? That would be an interesting idea, you cheat and you can't coach or be around the players for a month.

What about fining the Kraft family? Or taking away in-helmet radio communications with Brady?

I'll leave it to the WAD's faithful readers - what should the NFL do if the Pats are guilty?

Have a nice day,
Fite

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Saturday Night Lights

Let me tell you how good it feels to be laying on my couch with a porterhouse residing in my stomach and college football on both big screens. I won’t bore you with the details of my week, but suffice it to say that this is the first time I’ve had to relax for quite some time. And, assuming that I didn’t undercook the porterhouse, which is a fact that is very much up in the air at the moment, I plan on spending a little time indulging myself and hopefully entertaining you. Don’t worry, if I didn’t get the job done with the steak, I will spare you the details.

We are quickly approaching the conclusion of the second week of college football, and we’ve already had more than our fair share of surprises. I mean, did you ever envision a world where ND, Miami, Michigan, and FSU would all be horrible? I have to be careful what I say about Michigan because I truly value my friendship with Huge, and I really am fearful that he is going to harm himself or somebody else, but I can’t ignore what is going on in Ann Arbor. Is it possible that the Wolverines haven’t recovered from their epic loss in the Horseshoe last November? Is it possible that the maze and blue would be better off with Chan Gailey wearing the headsets than Lloyd Carr? Is it possible that Reggie Ball has inhabited Chad Henne’s body? I don’t know what the answer is, but I’ve never seen a more stunning fall from prominence. I mean, it is possible that one occurred while I was in college and I was too drunk to remember it, but somebody will have to remind me. The only thing I can say with any certainty about the state of Michigan football is that it is bad…very bad. Oh, and Lloyd Carr is going to be doing studio work on The Big Ten Network next season.

As far as Miami goes, not many teams can go into Norman and compete with the Sooners, but you are The U for God’s sake! Have some f*cking pride, men. Think of all the great men that have gone before you. Sure, Michael Irvin and Benny Blades have had their issues with the law, but they never would have gone out like the Canes did today. Can somebody please get a boat load of blow and swagger to South Beach in a hurry? Can’t we all agree that college football is a better place when we have loads of blow and swagger in South Beach? And, oh, by the way, OU is back and as good as ever. It’s only taken six freaking years, but Stoops finally has a quarterback good enough to take him back to the promised land. Boomer!

As a quick aside, South Carolina just held on to beat Georgia. Too bad for the Dawgs. Really, I’m heart broken. On the bright side, Spurrier only had the second best recruiting class in the country last year. I’m sure USC won’t be good for very long! And yes, I’m feeling very good about my Steve Spurrier will win the SEC East within four years prediction…very good. God bless Steve Spurrier.

Let’s talk about Notre Dame for a minute. They are horrible. No way to sugar coat it. They might not win three games this year, but you can’t help but be impressed by the way Jimmy Clausen hung in there and made some outstanding throws in the fourth quarter. It’s not going to be a fun season in South Bend, but if they can put some speed and athleticism around Clausen in the next few years, The Irish might win a bowl game in the Clausen era. Maybe!

Seeing as how they managed to pull off a victory, I’m sure some of you are wondering why I’m picking on FSU today. Well, UAB did dominate 40 minutes of that game, and UAB lost by 33 to a woeful Michigan St. team last week. In other words, FSU has nothing to be proud of tonight.
I’m sure you folks are expecting me to say something, if not a lot, about the impressive 2-0 start by Georgia Tech. Well, if that is what you are expecting, you don’t know me as well as I though you did. Things have gone better than I could have imagined in the first two weeks, and I am not about screw it up by talking about it. Surely, you knew that!

Here’s a few more expert observations before I put the laptop away and fall asleep watching LSU punish Va. Tech:

1) LSU is very good;

2) Auburn’s Brandon Cox has managed to get worse every year he has played. He is the Robert O’Kelly of college football;

3) Eddie Royal of Va. Tech has my favorite name in college football;

4) Despite the fact that he used the word “tough” 7 times in 12 seconds, Bob Davie has somehow become my favorite college football announcer. I can’t believe I just typed those words, but I did, and I can’t take it back now;

5) If South Florida beats Auburn tonight, how long will it take Tommy Tubberville to start bitching about a playoff? I’m guessing less than 13 seconds. He sucks;

6) I just saw a shot of Va. Tech’s stud freshman quarterback, Tyrod Taylor, and he is from Hampton, VA, which prompts the following questions: 1) How many great athletes come out of Hampton, VA; 2) Why is Tyrod not in this game; 3) Can we agree to call him “TT”; and 4) Insert dog fighting joke here.


And, here are my week 1 NFL picks:

1) Houston -3 v. K.C.;

2) Denver -3 @ Buffalo;

3) Cleveland +4 v. Pittsburgh;

4) Tennessee +7 @ Jax;

5) Carolina +1 @ St. Louis;

6) G.B. +3 v. Philly;

7) Atlanta +3 @ Minnesota;

8) Washington -3 v. Miami;

9) Jets +6.5 v. N.E.;

10) Seattle -6 v. T.B.;

11) Chicago +6 @ San Diego;

12) Detroit +3 @ Oakland;

13) Giants +6 @ Dallas;

14) Cincy -3 v. Baltimore;

15) San Fran. -3 v. Arizona.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Online Auction

The Machi bowl had its first online auction draft tonight. All things considered, it went pretty well. Nice job Shalloway setting everything up. The only real technical difficulty came toward the end, when several people (Fite, Ball, Ern) were all thrown off at the same time. But nobody should complain, because the last round or two shouldn't change anyone's lineup.

What did we learn? The autodrafters were willing to go MUCH higher than real live online humans. It got pretty funny watching the WAD's team take 853 wide receivers, without taking a RB. Fite's team, on the other hand, tried to outsmart the auto bidders and ended up with too many QBs. Needless to say, we all learned a lesson or two.

I think we were all shocked to find out that the WAD and Stats, two of the most degenerate f*cks anybody has ever known, both autodrafted. I guess the real world got in the way...or they're both puss*es. You never know.

It's too early to tell who the big winner of the draft was. But we know who lost: Big Ern. With no wild card this year, there's no way such a sorry sack of sh*t makes the playoffs this year.

Today is an open day for WAD nation, let us know what you're thinking about. Those of you that are thinking Fite overbid for Adrian Peterson, you're right.

Have a nice day,
Fite

FITE'S LINK OF THE DAY

Undercover brother can't say the "letter between m and o word."

The Great Debate

Here's your visual for the morning: I'm laying in a twin bed in a crappy hotel room in Baton Rouge watching "Saved By the Bell" as I stare down the barrell of another wonderful day of practicing law. And yes, I've already ordered room service. Good times. As much as I would love to recap the antics of Zack, Screech, and Slater, I'm going to spare you that fate. Instead, I'm going to throw a topic out there for discussion:

What has happened to Florida State? Is it coaching? Has the rest of the ACC caught up with them? Are they pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" with Bobby Bowden? Are they simply the victim of poor quarterback play? In other words, how did they go from a dominate program to an also ran in the ACC in such a short period of time? I hate to admit it, but for some inexplicable reason I almost feel bad for Bowden and company...almost.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Wide Open Weekend Wrap-up

Tech looked amazing...UGA looked fantastic...App. State pulled off the greatest upset in college football history...Oklahoma just scored again...Clemson is putting a fork in the Bowden era at FSU as I speak...The WAD went 10-5...and, "Medellin" bombed. In other words, there is a ton to talk about this Tuesday morning, and I'm going to do what any good host would do: shut up and stay out of the way and let you guys carry the conversation today. And, trust me, the fact that I'm exhausted from working all weekend, feel like crap, and have to catch a flight in the morning have nothing to do with this decision...trust me.

I'll do my best to check in from lovely Baton Rouge Tuesday night.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Better Late Than Never

It's twenty minutes after midnight, and I just got home from work, threw a hot dog in the microwave, threw a load of laundry in the washer, and decided that it was about time I sat down and gave you all what you have undoubtedly been waiting all day for: My Week 1 ATM's. ATM's, you ask? It's obvious, baby...step up to these picks and take your cash out. Okay, we all know that's not true, but it felt good to write. Actually, I sat here and read it out loud in my John Anthony voice, and it was pretty sweet. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, check just click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duyx_FkJ8sY&mode=related&search

Please forgive me for the lack of analysis. Afterall, it is late, and...well...the only two things I know about college football at the moment are that USC is really good and Reggie Ball no longer plays for Georgia Tech. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure what more you possibly need to know.

1) Penn State - 38 v. FIU

2) Marshall +18 @ Miami, FL.

3) UConn -4.5 @ Duke

4) UVA -3 @ Wyoming

5) BC -6 v. Wake ( I refuse to believe last year ever happened)

6) WVU v. WMU - Over 56

7) Nebraska -21 v. Nevada

8) Stanford +17 v. UCLA

9) Iowa -12 @ N. Illinois

10) Houston @ Oregon - Over 57.5

11) Georgia Tech +1 @ ND (is it just me or has a ton of money come in on the Jackets And yes, I think we are so much better than ND that I would be willing to bet on Chan Gailey on the road vs. Charlie Weis. I'm going to live to regret ever writing that).

12) UGA -6.5 v. OSU

13) Oklahoma v. N. Texas - Over 56

14) Texas - WHATEVER v. Arkansas State

15) Tennessee +6 @ CAL

So, there you have it, Week 1's money makers. Sorry for the less than stellar peformance this week. Unfortunately, the folks at the job didn't get the memo that the WAD was back. I'll make sure the bosses get their act together in the weeks to come.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

College football is here

Tonight is the night - college football is finally here. Easily the best game of the night is LSU at Mississippi State. There was a hidden gem in espn's preview. LSU head coach Les Miles gave the best backhanded compliment of this young season: MSU is "conceptually very good."

The pros have MSU getting 18, but that won't be enough. Despite my intense hatred of Lester Miles, his team is both conceptually and actually better than MSU. This one will be over after the first quarter, but I'll keep watching since I continue to deny that Boise State has a football team.


Oklahoma State v. Georgia
My upset alert for this weekend is OSU over Georgia. OSU's offense is good, and they'll have the best QB, RB and WR on the field on Saturday. Georgia giving up 6.5 to a vastly superior offense is just too much to pass up. Having said all that, I'm rooting for Georgia to win. Now that Dunn is financially tied to the Bulldogs' Sagarin rating, I'd like to see them do well just to watch Dunn's love of money and loathing of Georgia collide into an explosion of Beam-scented bits of Skoal and Cheeto.


Georgia Tech v. Notre Dame
Now for my analysis of Tech/N.D. Let's start with last year's game. Tech should have won, but they were outcoached by "nice buttkicking" Charlie Weis. Bitch about the refs all you want, they got outcoached, I saw it live. (Disclaimer - what I saw came after a day of drinking, part of which was spent in a deep freezer with Shalloway.) Notre Dame has a better coach and God on its side, those are two big advantages.

Both teams are breaking in new quarterbacks, but again the advantage goes to Notre Dame. It's always easier to make your first start at home (unless you're Paul Thompson). At least you don't have to suffer through another year with Reggie Ball.

Even though I think N.D. has the advantages at coach and QB, I still think they'll lose. Why? Weis's QB secrecy game is gimmicky. If he's so desperate that he needs to resort to this type of game, that means he doesn't have great confidence in his starter or his team.

N.D. also lost too many skill players. Tech's RB, former Sooner Tashard Choice, is a stud. He'll be running all day behind one of the best O-lines in the country. Put that together with Tech's defense, and they'll win this game Baltimore Ravens style.


Links of the Day
  • Bill Murray + booze + golf cart = DUI.
  • Did you forget about O.J.'s book? You can pre-order it now.
  • Next year's Dancing With the Stars will have Mark Cuban, Floyd Mayweather, and Wayne Newton. Sweet.
  • Strippers can tell if things are real or fake.
  • OU is looking for NCAA approval to allow a booster to fund a recruit's funeral. In a related story, Stoops said the university would not sue to recover Mr. Mitchell's signing bonus.
  • Reggie Ball is on IR for the Lions, so he won't play this year. Strangely enough, five good minutes of googling couldn't find his injury, it was always listed as (undisclosed). I suspect pusitis.
  • Here's a list of the top 500 current NFL players. With 53 man rosters and 32 teams, this list covers roughly the top third. Calvin Johnson checks in at number 63 (the highest rookie). Mike Vick is at 214, and Adrian Peterson at 243.
  • Dog chewed Vick cards sold for $7,400 on eBay.
  • Stats can't get enough of the LLWS, so he sent this along.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Caption contest

Monday, August 27, 2007

Monday Musings

Here we are. You smell that, kids? You feel that in the air? I know I do. That’s right, after nine months of anguish, we are finally on the eve of the three months of the year that make life worth living: college football season. Normally, I would include the NFL in this declaration of love, but I trust you will understand if I’m not too excited about the prospect of watching Joey Harrington lead the Falcons into battle. Let’s just go ahead and agree that my NFL interest is going to be limited to gambling and nothing else this year. Can we do that? Good. Anyway, it’s finally game week and toe meets leather this Thursday night in Starkville, MS when LSU comes calling. Then, of course, things kick off in earnest on Saturday with some great intersectional match-ups. My Jackets travel up to South Bend to seek revenge against the Domers after having victory ripped from our hands last year by the refs and Reggie Ball. UGA continues its new found tradition of hosting a Big 12 bottom feeder to start the season when the Pokes come calling. And, I’m sure Ole Miss and Memphis play this week. I mean, they have been the first game of my gambling…I mean, the college football season for many years now. I guess the point is that I am very excited and you should be too. I hope you take the opportunity to fire away in the comments section all week as we get ready for kickoff. That being said, enough rambling and run-on sentences, here’s some Monday Musings:

  • Went and saw “Superbad” this weekend. Listen, this movie isn’t winning any Oscars, but I recommend every guy go see it. It will take you back to a better time. It is about an hour and 45 minutes, and only about 20 minutes of that is really funny, but that 20 minutes is worth the price of admission. I, however, would do everything in your power to make sure your wife, girlfriend, mother, daughter, maid, or whatever woman you care about doesn’t go see it with you. Why? Well, let’s just say that one of two things is going to happen: 1) you are going to rupture your spleen attempting not to laugh at some the outrageously disgusting lines because you don’t want to have to explain to your loved one how in the world you find this funny, much less that you have had that exact conversation at some point in your life (i.e. Friday night at Front Page News); or 2) you won’t be able to control yourself and she will never look at you the same after you have fallen out of your chair laughing at some of these lines. Trust me on this one. And yes, I happen to care for my maid very much, thank you!

  • The kids from Georgia won the Little League World Series. I guess I should feel some sense of pride about this, but I can’t bring myself to care about Major League baseball anymore, much less Little League baseball. It’s too bad because it’s not often a team from Georgia actually wins something.

  • Speaking of Major League baseball, I saw Roger Clemens in an AT&T wireless commercial for the first time tonight. I immediately sent an email to my firm’s IT guy and told him had to switch my cell phone carrier to Verizon. Is it a little pathetic that I can hate a man so much when I have never been in the same room with? I mean, I’m pretty certain the Rocket has never been to Willy’s and said, “I will not get the nachos with extra jalapenos because that is how The WAD likes his.” Still, I can’t help myself, I hate him. I just thought you should know.

  • Anybody else catch the Teen Choice Awards last night? Anybody? Really? Stop judging me!

  • Wednesday night I’m participating in my annual fantasy football draft. We’ve got fourteen teams, and 13 of the owners graduated from Tech and Fite graduated from OU. Never before have two rookies gone in the first round of a fantasy draft, but the Calvin Johnson / Adrian Peterson first round combo is a mortal lock…buy stock in it.

Make sure to check in tomorrow for a recap of this week’s “Entourage.” Not a great episode, but still plenty of stuff to talk about.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Friday with Fite

Good to see the WAD up and running again. Let's check the news...

Harlem residents aren't too happy with the Yankees. Apparently the team that Ruth built has started selling Yankees hats tailored to the Bloods, Crips, and Latin Kings. In a related story, 85 year old Maurice Greenberg was gunned down at 125th and Amsterdam. Mr. Greenberg's wife, Barbra, said "he was attacked by a bunch of boys wearing blue hats. After they killed him, they urinated on his red Yankees hat. I just don't understand."

It looks like Mr. Lohan isn't a runaway winner of the 2007 father of the year award. Mike Vick's dad (who, inexplicably, has a last name of Boddie) told the AJC that he warned his son about dogfighting. For me, the most interesting thing about this Vick situation is that "dogfighting" is in my word processor's spell check dictionary.

I really think ESPN is missing the boat, this could be some great TV.

The worldwide leader put together a list of the 100 greatest beatdowns in history. I think they missed a few: Kermit Washington v. Tomjanovich; Harding v. Kerrigan; Miami v. Florida International; and Shawn Kemp v. birth control.

Start the timer, only two weeks until football.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Medellin...Boom!

During my eight month hiatus, the hardest part about living life as myself and not as The WAD was giving up Television Tuesdays. Sure, at its core, The WAD (the cite and not the man – and yes, I realize I have referred to myself in the third person twice in two sentences) is really about sports. But, with the exception of the running diaries, my ramblings about television have always been the articles I've most enjoyed writing. So, it is with great joy that I am about to waste the next five to seven minutes of your life celebrating season four of “Entourage”, or as I like to call it, “Entourage: A Return to Glory.”

If you remember, I was very critical of “Entourage” at times last season. Week after week I bemoaned the fact that the writers had lost sight of what made the show great from the start: beautiful women, celebrity cameos, irresponsible spending, Drama’s ridiculous exploits, and Ari saying and doing things we only wish we could say and do. In fact, by the end of season 3, I was afraid “Entourage” was quickly headed the way of “The O.C.” You know, a potential first ballot hall of famer that peaked too soon and inexplicably ate itself out of the Show faster than Mo Vaughn. Well, fortunately for all of us that rely on fictional television characters to provide an escape from our own thrilling lives, season 4 has proved much more Ankiel than Vaughn. What’s made the difference? I’m glad you asked. Here are the five biggest reasons “Entourage” is back on the fast track to Cooperstown:

1) Turtle and Drama - these two have quickly become one of the best comedy duos since Pryor and Wilder. This season we’ve continually seen episodes involving two distinct story lines. One story line usually involves E, Vince, and Ari doing somewhat respectable things, while the other story line usually involves Drama and Turtle falling into absurd situations. I mean, in a four episode stretch Turtle hooked up with Lisa Rinna while Drama hooked up with an obese elderly woman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1cY7n9bJZE), Drama jumped head first into the sub-culture of furries (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhA-MSbF6TM) , and the dynamic duo paid $62K for a Koufax jersey after Vito from the “Sopranos” backed out of the deal. These are just the highlights. I haven’t even mentioned Drama serving as a human canvas for Gary Busey (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6SzmQDVAXw). Honestly, Turtle and Drama could carry their own show at this point.

2) Mrs. Ari- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFk9f5IVa8c I think it’s best if I let you draw your own conclusions.

3) Billy Walsh- Honestly, if I knew somebody like this in real life I would hate him. This, however, is not real life, and Walsh’s insanity is hilarious. Plus, how can you not love a guy that wants to beat E’s ass? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjTSU7au01I

4) Lloyd- The growing relationship between Ari and Lloyd may be the most entertaining subplot of season 4. Every time these two are on screen together it's comedy gold. Don’t believe me? Just take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LSr_2COFd8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ozRIGIMLGk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH5h2g9vwYg&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHrhjQNQVq0&mode=related&search=

5) Ari- This, of course, is a no brainer. Even during the down times of season 3, Ari always brought his A game. Now, in season 4, believe it or not, he’s taken it to a whole new level. I could try to explain it, or I could just let you take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKKwpS1Y2Vw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnMmrF0nhMA&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3-D2StzXk0&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpVdSQYHYqg&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Sc-Bb_pRhQ&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBfV5L2F8UA&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Or46IG_yhY&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0tRB3DDKZM&mode=related&search=


As great as it's been, however, Season 4 does have one glaring weakness. Specifically, the idea that E could actually walk away from a woman like Sloan and somehow fall into Anna Faris is not only absurd, it’s offensive. Seriously, at this point, E has become so annoying that I’m almost ready to declare him the male equivalent of Dr. Yang from “Grey’s Anatomy.” Almost. But, even my ever growing annoyance with E can’t spoil what has been an MVP season for a hall of fame show. Let’s just hope that we have enough Ari, Lloyd, Drama, and Turtle in the last two episodes to make us somehow overlook the fact that we are inevitably going to be asked to believe that E could actually land a movie star.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Back in the Saddle Again

Whoever had 8 months and 10 days in the “how long can The WAD keep his mouth shut” pool is the big winner. Ah, who am I kidding? The WAD is back, baby…everybody’s a big winner! I’ve been kicking around the idea of jumping back on the horse for a few weeks, and a little prodding from the roommate, Hans (yes, he amazingly has not kicked me out yet!), some subtle prodding from Stats, and the dawn of football season only weeks away, I just couldn’t hold back. After all, my expert commentary and legendary wagering advice have become tradition over the past two football seasons, and when it comes to tradition, who am I to stand in the way? I think Nas said it best when he opined, “carry on tradition, carry, c-carry on tradition, carry on tradition, when you rep what we rep, you carry on tradition” So, let’s get to the business of repping what we rep and carry on this tradition.

A lot has transpired since we parted ways back in January. Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of the highlights:

Peyton Manning managed not to gag in the big game;

Lebron led the worst team ever to win a major professional sports conference to a humiliating sweep in the NBA Finals;

Billy Donovan once again proved that good things happen to bad people;

Paris Hilton went to jail;

Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears lost their minds and proved that rehab really does work;

Barry Bonds broke the most sacred record in sports and nobody cared;

“Ice Road Truckers” and “The Two Coreys” became the most addictive shows of a miserable television off season;

Vince and E pulled off “Medellin” and Drama landed a part on a hit show;

“The Sopranos” faded to black with the sweet lyrics of Journey in the background…weird;

Heidi and Spencer started a rumor that LC and Jason made an...uh...adult video;

I took two trips to Vegas, one trip to New Orleans, and one trip to Atlantic City. I have done a lot to promote the local economies in all three locations. What can I say? I'm a giver;

We were shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that an NBA ref could be bought; and if that’s not enough;

Michael Vick made it socially acceptable to use the term “rape stand” in the office. Thanks for that, Mike. I mean, so what if you destroyed our franchise and let down every person that has dumped money into Falcons season tickets, at least you gave us something. I just threw up on myself.

I could serve up about 5,000 words on all these developments, especially Paris, Britney, and Lohan, but since this is the first day back, I’m going to just ease back into this and only address the one issue that everybody in this town won’t shut up about, Vick.

Over the past few weeks, everybody I know, everybody I’ve met, and even a dude on the subway in New York have asked me my opinion on this situation, and honestly, I’m really tired of the whole thing. At the end of the day, I think we’ve learned two things: 1) Mike Vick isn’t much of a dog lover, and 2) if you want to become the most vilified man in America, don’t rob a bank, don’t lie, cheat or steal, hell, don’t even kill another human being…kill some dogs, that should do the trick.

Before you start blasting me, you have to understand that I’m not defending or advocating the killing of dogs. In fact, I'm pretty anti dog killing. I’m simply saying that in light of all the problems we have in the world today, I find the level of outrage over this whole thing a bit staggering. I mean, it’s not like he was trying carry weed on an airplane in a water bottle! A little perspective is all I’m asking for. That being said, I don’t plan on ever typing the words Michael Vick again. He is my Fredo Corleone…he’s dead to me. Well, unless he somehow becomes the Falcons’ quarterback again. If that happens, my memory of this off-season should fade pretty quickly.

Okay, I know this isn’t my best work, but I’m just happy to be back. Over the next two weeks we are going to rev this thing back up with plenty of college football talk, some NFL, maybe even a little talk about the pennant races, and definitely some talk about “The Hills.” Go ahead and prepare yourselves.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

BCS Swan Song

8:17: Here we are, live at the WAD Palace (a/k/a Hans’ house), and we’ve assembled an impressive cast of characters for tonight’s National Championship Game. On the big couch, we’ve got Chandler (fresh off a weekend with the in-laws, we could see a legendary performance from him tonight, let’s just say three beers in the first 12 minutes is a good start), Hans (foregoing the skull cap from last year’s game and sporting his trusty FDNY hat), and Alec (he’s the shortest guy in the room, but he’s definitely got the biggest heart). In the rolling computer chair, we’ve got Fisher, who has already insulted three of us and has spent the past six minutes thinking of some way to insult Chandler…give him time. Next to me on the loveseat, we’ve got the only SEC representative, Ricky F. (this might be the first night in half a decade he hasn’t gotten laid by 10 P.M., so he’s a little restless), and then there’s me, sporting the skull cap in honor of Hans’ performance last year. Hold on to your seats brothers and sisters, this is going to be a fun night!

8:22: We are still waiting for the teams to take the field, but the boys on the big couch are passing the time by checking out http://www.perezhilton.com/. I promised them that wouldn’t make it in the diary, so we are five minutes in, and I’m already sacrificing lifetime friendships! Hey, the WAD only comes to an end once!

8:25: Chris Meyers: Coach Urban Meyer, are you nervous?
Coach Meyer: I’m not nervous, because I’m a huge f*cking prick, and I make Tommy Tuberville look like a class act. Seriously, I’m an awful person, and I deserve to get my ass kicked and sodomized by a gang of fugitives.

Okay, he didn’t say that, but it doesn’t mean it’s not true.

8:28: Yes sir! We’ve got the A team, Brennaman, Alvarez, and Davis! This is the crew that did the Fiesta Bowl, and if they do half the job they did that night, we are in good hands.

8:30: The coin toss just resembled a cross between an alzheimer's documentary and Sesame Street. Horrible!

8:32: All I just heard come from the big couch was, “Have you seen the Screech tape where he’s banging those chicks”, followed by three dudes staring at a laptop and saying, “Niiiice” in unison.

8:33: Bracey just arrived and rubbed his balls in my pizza. Bear in mind, I’m the youngest man in the room, and I’m 29.

8:34: Remember what I said about Ted Ginn making a big special teams play? Well, that didn’t take long. Suck on that Urban! And now, we are approximately three plays away from Chris Leak’s first turnover.

8:35: Well, we just learned how a kicker makes a tackle in the open field. That was the finest face mask I’ve ever seen.

8:39: It’s not often you get 7 dudes in a room, and all three announcers to agree that there was a bad spot, but we just saw it. These, of course, are Pac-10 refs, so anything is possible.

8:41: Hey, Tebow runs up the middle…shocking!

8:41:
“No, a camel toe is not a play!” That comment was just uttered, and I don’t even know what to say about that.

8:42: Dallas Baker the touchdown maker just caught a very Roethlisbergeresque touchdown from Leak. You know, the kind where he closes his eyes, tosses it up in the air, it barely escapes the reach of the corner who has 90 yards of green in front of him, and somehow ends up with a touchdown! This is going to be interesting.

8:43: Rick: Is Florida’s kicker the worst kicker in America?
Me: I’m pretty sure USC’s kicker is worse right now!

Yes, I’m going to hell.

8:46: Fisher astutely points out that Florida has found a very effective way to deal with the Ted Ginn problem…kick it to the white guy! Those are the things you won’t hear on t.v., but you should, because EVERYBODY in America just had the same thought.

8:47: Shalls just showed up to join the cast of characters. He is only 30 minutes late, which makes him half an hour early in his world.

8:48: From the big couch: “Carmen Electra doesn’t look like Tim Duncan!” I don’t know who said that, but I’m glad they cleared that up!

8:49: Did you know that Dave Navarro was bi-curious? Well, according to the big couch, he is!

8:51: Florida’s D just looked pretty solid on their first possession. In fact, Troy Smith appears well on his way to a Shane Falco in the Sugar Bowl performance.

8:53: We just had the first, “did somebody fart” inquiry of the night. The answer? What do you think?

8:58: Ohio State apparently decided to play this game without an offense or defense! Seriously, Urban Meyer’s gimmicky, bullshit, playstation offense is just shredding them.

8:59: Awesome! We have our first review of the night. Have I mentioned how much I loathe instant replay in college football? I have? Okay, just so we are clear.

9:01: What do you know, everybody in America looking at the replay can see that the UF kid didn’t cross the plane of the goal-line, but that is apparently not enough to overturn it. The percentage of calls that actually get overturned must be in single digits. Okay, this is the last day of the WAD, so this is the last time you will ever have to hear me say this: REPLAY HAS NO PLACE IN SPORTS!!!!! I feel better.

9:05: Uh-oh! If you have money on OSU (not that I would know anything about that), you really don’t like to see Ted Ginn, Jr. limping to the locker room with an injury. WTF???

9:08: Is it just me or is Troy Smith running in sand? He doesn’t look like he put on 15 lbs. on the banquet circuit, but he’s sure running like it.

9:10: Interception for the Heisman winner. The Buckeyes better get a hold on this thing in a hurry, or this could be over by halftime.

9:13: We are now five minutes into the annual, why don’t we have a playoff in college football debate? I never thought I’d say this, but I just don’t have the energy to argue any more.

9:15: Charles Davis just informed us that the Florida receivers call themselves “The Goonies”. I’m doing all I can to think of a joke here, but I just can’t think of anything that is funnier than what actually happened. I mean, clearly Baker, Caldwell, and the whole receiving crew were sitting in somebody’s dorm room, hitting the bong, and somebody said, “You know what man, this is us…we are the f*cking Goonies!” This is the ONLY way this could have possibly happened.

9:18: Here’s a gift from the big couch… www.urbancougar.com Good times.

9:20: The past two minutes of conversation simply cannot be repeated.

9:21: DeShawn Wynn just shoved it right down the Buckeyes throat for the Gators’ third touchdown, and then, he promptly had his balls stroked by an OSU defender. I’m not making this up. We watched it six times just to be sure. Weird.

9:24: Florida just got flagged for the first time tonight….Cheaters!!!

9:25: Fite is calling me, but I’ve got pizza to my left, my laptop in my lap, and a dip in my mouth…no chance I can answer the phone right now.

9:27: Antonio Pittman up the middle….YES SIRRRRR!!!! Game on. If you have under 46, you can go to bed right now.

9:29: We’ve now got the Georgetown/Villanova basketball game on the little big screen. We are 7 minutes into the second half, and I’m pretty sure one of the teams in the football game is going to crack 40 before either one of these two teams. Am I the only one that is seriously worried about the state of college basketball? I am? Okay, back to the football game...

9:36: We’ve just spent the past 7 minutes discussing whether you can grow real grass inside. I think we've finally decided on yes, so everybody can relax now.

9:42: I can’t even enjoy the Buckeyes’ first defensive stop of the evening, because I’m being tortured by this damn Dodge commercial featuring the transformers. Seriously, this is the 8th time we’ve seen it tonight.

9:43: 5 days, 22 hours, 16 minutes, and 7 seconds until the season premier of “24”.

9:45: Troy Smith officially looks like shit. Sure, it’s been five months since they played a game, but this is a little ridiculous.

9:47: We are in the midst of a detailed discussion about the drinking of horse semen in “Jackass II”. How jealous are you that you weren’t here?

9:48: Hey, it’s the f*cking transformers again! 9 and counting.

9:50: Let’s go ahead and be clear about this: If Tim Tebow is in the game, he is going to run the ball straight up the middle. It’s not rocket science Buckeyes.

9:55: Okay, the last three plays we finally saw the Chris Leak I’ve come to know and love, but it might be the Gators' night, because they got away with it.

9:56: Chris Hetland, Florida’s kicker, just emphatically told the world, “I’m better than that guy from USC, damn it!” 24 -14 Gators.

9:57: Transformers #10. Actually, Greg just informed us that it is actually the Rock ‘em, sock ‘em Robots. I wish I could say that it made the commercials any less annoying, but I can’t.
9:59: State of the game to this point: Total yards, UF – 229, OSU – 69.

10:00: Ohio State goes for it on their own 30, down 10, with 3:37 left in the first half, and they run it up the gut, apparently come up short, but the refs don’t even measure. I mean, he was probably short, but he wasn’t short enough not to measure. I’m sorry, but the fact that they didn’t even measure is OUTRAGEOUS!!!! Would the Pac-10 be better off if they just played call your own like on the playground? I don't see how that could be any worse than these guys.

10:02: If OSU holds UF to a field goal here, they just might win this game. Trust me.

10:05: Okay, they held them to the field goal, and we’ll get to put my prediction to the test!

10:08: Well, it looks like I’m going to fail the test. Of course, I didn’t count on Troy Smith pulling his Reggie Ball impersonation and turning the ball over again.

10:09: Tebow up the middle…shocking!

10:10: Tebow up the middle…boring!

10:10: The only positive thing about Tebow being involved in this game is that we had a reason to mention “Two-A-Days”. Remember that Tebow was the losing quarterback in the big Niece vs. Hoover showdown in the first episode last season. Don’t even act like you didn’t know that!

10:11:
Hey, Tebow throws for a touchdown. That’s awesome. So, now we know he can fall forward three yards, and he can throw a one yard pass. It’s hard not to see why this guy is considered the second coming in Gainesville!

10:16: Troy Smith throws a Hail Mary out of bounds. Thank God this half is over. Not to mention, I have the hiccups! The second half can’t be any worse, right?


10:42: Second half kickoff. On the bright side for the Buckeyes, Florida didn’t run it back for a touchdown.

10:43:
Chris Meyers just informed us that Ted Ginn is just now having his ankle x-rayed. I guess the first 26 minutes of the halftime weren’t enough time to take a picture of his freaking ankle.

10:45: Big hold for the Buckeyes, followed by Florida shanking one of their cutsy little roll out punts. I HATE Urban Meyer and all he stands for.

10:46: Rick and Fish are having a stimulating conversation about the kids they remember from their elementary school class in Ohio. We should have charged admission for this.

10:51: I’m bored.

10:54: Ted Ginn on crutches…now, I’m bored and depressed.

10:57: The Buckeyes just got the ball back, and there seems to be a consensus in this room, at least, that this game is going to get close.

10:59: Man, life has changed. We just spent the commercial break talking about what time we go to bed on a usual night, and what Fish’s son eats. I can feel myself getting older by the second.

11:01: Troy Smith is 3 of 9, with a pick and a fumble, and he's fallen at least two rounds in the NFL draft.

11:02: Now, we are talking about the bowel movements of Fish's son and Chandler's nephew. Does it get any better than this? Yup, this is now how we roll!

11:05: Ball just sent me a text message asking, “how many rounds has Troy Smith dropped tonight?” Well, four minutes ago I thought it was two, but now, it's at least 4. It's amazing how awful he looks tonight. I can't remember a performance this poor by a college quarterback not named Reggie Ball...EVER!!!

11:10:
I’m not even paying attention to the game anymore. We’ve spent the past five minutes arguing about whether Tikki is a Hall of Famer. Do I have to go through the stats again? Over the past five years, he ran himself into Canton. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

11:18: It’s 34 – 14 heading into the 4th quarter, and this has officially turned into one of the most boring bowl games of the season.

11:19: 5 days, 20 hours, 40 minutes, 01 second until the season premier of “24”.

11:22: Can we re-vote on the Heisman?

11:25: Rick just pointed out that “The ‘O’ Face Guy” is one of the dudes in that Allstate commercial where they wreck the car. Good to see he’s capitalized on his big break in “Office Space”.

11:30: Tim Tebow is a punk. No need to jump around and waive your arms after another run up the middle, chief.

11:34:
We’ve all officially stopped paying attention. Case in point, Rick just screamed “Go For It”. This wouldn't be so bad if it was fourth down, but since it's third down, it's a little startling.

11:37: Okay, it’s over! I’m officially quitting the diary and this game. The sight of Urban Meyer succeeding and Jim Tressel failing is too much for me to take. Just further proof that good things do happen to bad people!

11:54: Okay, I lied, I'm not done yet. As if you needed more evidence that Urban Meyer is a HUGE dick, they just threw for a first down on fourth down, up 27 with 3 minutes left in the game. Let’s just hope that comes back to haunt him one day!


Well, that's it. After 15 months, 342 posts, 2 different sites, and countless laughs...it's all over. I wish tonight's game had been more exciting, but there wasn't much we could do about that. On the bright side, for one last time, the WAD provided a great excuse to get together with some of my best friends, watch a game, crack jokes, and bust each other's balls. And, at the end of the day, isn't that what this whole experience was all about? Thanks again to all of you for making this a truly amazing experience. When it all started, I never imagined it would last 15 months, and now, I'm very proud that it has. And, even though I have no intention of making a comeback, Stats has set the over/under at 4.5 months. If he's right, you guys will be the first to know.

Good luck, God Bless, and thanks for the memories!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Pass the Corn Chips, Please!

First things first this morning: Everybody’s lock of the week will involve tonight’s game. You must pick the spread (Ohio State -7.5) and the over/under (46). I need you to email it to me or Fish by 6 P.M. tonight, so we can have time to post it before the game.

Now, before discussing tonight’s showdown between the Gators and the Buckeyes, I have just three things to say about this weekend’s Wild Card games:

1) The Colts managed to win easily with Peyton Manning throwing three picks. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I have to think that’s a good sign for Tony Dungy. I mean, it’s got to happen sooner or later, right?

2) As for the other Manning, well, let’s just say that I’m a little more than worried about the post-Tikki era for Eli. If not for Plaxico being an absolute athletic freak, I’m not sure Eli would have completed a pass over two yards yesterday. And, if it hadn’t been for Tikki’s legendary will, they would have been blown right out of the stadium. In other words, I’m not expecting big things from the G-men in the ’07 – ’08 season!

3) My hatred for Joe Buck and Troy Aikman has taken on a life of its own. Actually, it’s gotten so bad that I can’t even discuss it rationally anymore. The fact of the matter is that I’ve never heard two more arrogant guys than these two. It’s outrageous to listen to them. In fact, I’ve now sworn that I will mute Joe Buck every time he is on T.V. He needs to be removed from television…NOW!!!!

And now, for the first ever Tostitos BCS Championship Game:

There was a time not too long ago that I would have looked at this game and seen no way that Ohio State could ever beat Florida, because there was a time not too long ago that the difference in speed between top SEC and Big 10 teams was just too great for the Big 10 to overcome. Now, with guys like Troy Smith, Ted Ginn, Jr., Antonio Pittman, Chris Wells, Anthony Gonzalez, Brian Robiskie, Vernon Gholston, and Roy Hall it’s hard to argue that the Big 10 Champ doesn’t have the speed and athleticism to matchup with anybody. Also, to the casual fan, and even to the uneducated ESPN analyst, of which there seem to be many, this game, at first glance, would figure to be a great matchup of OSU’s staunch defense against Urban Meyer and the Gator’s explosive offense. The facts, however, tell a much different story. More specifically, it’s the Buckeyes, with their 36.3 points/game and 410 yards a game that boast the more explosive offense (Florida only averages 29 points/game and 398 yards/game). Not to mention, the Buckeyes also boast the better defense, only giving up 10.4 points/game compared to Florida’s 13.5 points/game. And, oh by the way, Ohio State also has the Heisman trophy winner under center and one of the best game coaches in America on the sideline (and, the only one of the two head coaches with any class whatsoever).

All that being said, it should be pretty clear that I think this is a mis-match in every possible way. I think Chris Leak will turn the ball over no less than three times, Ted Ginn, Jr. will make no less than four big plays (3 on offense and 1 on special teams), and Urban Meyer’s cute little bullshit offense won’t get out the starting blocks. In the end, I think the Buckeyes win this game 37 – 7. So, that’s how I feel about this game. Now, considering my prognosticating record this season (an abysmal 44%), let’s look at what is really going to happen:

1) Ohio State is going to be rusty after their 51 day lay off, and Troy Smith will be slowed down by the 15 extra pounds he put on during the banquet circuit, his timing will be off, and he will throw a couple of bad picks in the first half;

2) Ohio State will have spent nearly two months scheming to shutdown Meyer’s bullshit offense, but he will have suddenly grown some common sense, line up with a fullback and run the ball straight down OSU’s throat;

3) Florida will have a huge chip on their shoulder because they are feeling “disrespected”, and they will play with a reckless abandon, and before OSU knows what hits them, they will be down 21 points; and

4) OSU will rally in the second half, but they will come up just short and Florida will be crowned national champions!

Why, you ask, am I expecting the clearly inferior team to pull off the upset and triumph over the team that is clearly the best team in America and deserves to be National Champions? Well, that’s simple: With the exception of the Pats yersterday, no team I’ve rooted for in the past two months has won a game. Therefore, I have officially become the human kiss of death, and it would behoove Jim Tressell to wire me a boat load of money to not root for his Buckeyes tonight. No matter what the outcome, don’t forget to check in tomorrow for The WAD’s swan song, a running diary of tonight’s game!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Wild Card Weekend

SATURDAY

1) Indy -7 vs. K.C. - I’ve got to admit that when I first saw this matchup, only one thing came to mind: Larry Johnson might run for 250 yards! And, of course, that led me to not only think that the Chiefs would beat the spread, but that they would also win the game. Then, for the first time all season, I actually sat down and took the time to research a matchup before going off and making a bold prediction. Truth is, I used to believe that doing too much research ended up complicating things and leading me to overthink matchups. Well, after a season of no research and embarassing results, I figure it’s time to go back to the old way. Not that it was good, but it was better than 71-86-6. So, what does the research tell me about the Colts and Chiefs? First of all, that deplorable run defense of the Colts hasn’t been that bad at home. For the season the Colts are giving up 173 yards/game on the ground, but only 146.3 yards/game at home. Still not good, but better. Now, consider the fact that at home the Colts have averaged 261 yards through the air and 29.6 points/game. In turn, the Chiefs have given up 216 yards/game through the air on the road, and they have have averaged less than 17 points on the road. What does all this mean? Well, it would appear that at home the Colts offense is awesome, and their defense isn’t horrible. And, at the same time, on the road, the Chiefs pass defense is bad and their offense isn’t so hot either. Couple that with the fact that this is the one year that people aren’t expecting big things from Peyton Manning and the Colts in the playoffs, and I just feel like they are going to explode on Saturday. I’m looking for the Colts to put up 40+, so you might as well take Over 51 as well.

2) Dallas +3 @ Seattle - Seattle has big problems in their secondary with three key injuries, and Tony Romo kind of sucks, but Terry Glenn and T.O. will probably have a field day. Even though they have been struggling recently, the Cowboys have still been averaging over 25 points/game in the last three games. The problem, however, is that they have been giving up 30 over the same time. So, the question becomes: can the Cowboys stop the Seahawks? Well, take it from a man that watched Matt Hasselback cost him a fantasy football championship, the answer is “yes”. Take the Cowboys on the money line.


SUNDAY

1) NYJ +8.5 @ New England – I’m so paranoid that the Jets are actually going to win this game that I can’t even talk about it rationally. Seriously, is this possible? I mean, it is Belichick, Brady, and the Pats, right? Well, the way my sports life is going right now, you should put the house on the Jets and the money line.

2) Philly -7 vs. NYG - You only need to know two things about this game: 1) Philly averages 282 yards/game passing at home, and the Giants AVERAGE giving up 269 yards/game passing on the road; and 2) I’m cheering for the Giants. Given those two facts, wager on the Giants at your own extreme risk.

By the way, some of you may be scratching your heads and saying, “how in the world does he actually think two road dogs are going to win outright in the playoffs?” Well, here’s a little fact you might find handy: Over the past two years, the home teams are 2-6 in the Wild Card round. So much for home cooking!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Where do we go from here?

Gentlemen,

Time to put on your thinking caps. Today's question is...

WHAT DO WE CALL THE NEXT BLOG???

When the WAD decides to roll off into the sunset we'll still need a place to waste time at work. Now is your chance to give it a name.


Have a nice day,
Fite

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Thank You

In my life, I have found that it really is true that all good things eventually must come to an end. Whether it be your adolescence, high school, college, law school/graduate school, your first real job, the first year of marriage when your wife still lets you touch her…whatever times of your life you identify as the good times do, unfortunately, always come to an end. And, it’s with very mixed emotions that I am announcing today that the end has arrived for what I will always remember as a truly great time in my life. That’s right folks, it’s been a great 15 month run, but the time has come for me to put an end to the WAD. My plan is to write an NFL Playoff preview for Friday, a National Championship Game Preview for Monday, and bring things to a close next Tuesday by publishing a running diary of the National Championship Game. After all, the running diary of last year’s Rose Bowl between Texas and USC was the most fun I’ve ever had writing an article for the WAD (in no small part because Ball and Hans were at their comedic apexes that night), so I figure it makes sense to give it one more shot before packing things up.

If you will indulge me, I do want to take a moment to make a few things very clear to all of you. First of all, I cannot say thank you enough to those of you who have taken the time to read my rambling and incoherent thoughts on a nearly daily basis over the past 15 months. When I started doing this, I was honestly hoping that this would simply provide me with a creative outlet to relieve some stress from time to time. But, because so many of you were so receptive to and supportive of what I was doing, the WAD became much more than an “outlet” for me. Honestly, the WAD has become much more than I could have ever hoped for. It’s been a place where I could share with the world my thoughts on sports, t.v., movies, gambling, and even Mexican restaurants! More importantly, however, it’s become a place where I could communicate with many of my closest friends and some completely perfect strangers. Believe it or not, the WAD has served as a vehicle to strengthen many existing friendships, and as a vehicle to develop friendships with a few folks that I had never known before the WAD. And, I can’t begin to tell you what a great conversation piece the WAD has been, especially with the ladies. Seriously, you tell a chick you’ve got a blog, and she starts undressing herself at the dinner table. It’s really amazing. Okay, so that last part about the naughty chicks isn’t true, but it should be!

I don’t want to pull a Brett Favre and over dramatize the situation, but I will just say that it has been a great run and I’m going to miss this. I feel very lucky to have written and shared so much with you all and received so much in return. I’m eternally grateful to Robbie Fisher for pushing me to start the WAD and for all his technical work on the blog. Without Fisher, none of this would have ever happened. Also, I have to say a big thanks to Hans for putting up with me laying on the couch and typing at all hours of the night and constantly running language by him to get his thoughts. I’m sure that he is looking forward to being able to watch television without the sounds of me banging the keyboard in the background. And to everybody else, especially Fite, Stats, and Andy “Huge” Smith, thanks for all the comments and great comedy. You guys were the stars of this show, and this day would have come a lot sooner if ya’ll hadn’t continued to push me forward with your extensive comments and your emails with all the great column ideas and general suggestions.

I feel that I must tell you that I haven’t come to this decision lightly. I have been considering and struggling with this for a couple of months now, and I finally decided that the end of the college football season seemed like the logical time to pull the plug. The fact is that for the first 9 or 10 months, the ideas just seemed to flow, and I truly got a rush out of writing every article. Over the past five months or so, however, the ideas have become tougher to come by, and as a result, the columns became less frequent, and honestly, the quality over the past few months hasn’t been what I would like. Coupling that with the fact that I am now staring down the barrel of my 30th birthday in eleven and a half months, and I feel a great sense of urgency to accomplish several personal and professional goals in 2007. Unfortunately, to do so, I feel that I must cut some things out of my life and add some others. And, at the end of the day, the best thing for me is to close the curtain on the WAD.

All that being said, I think we’ve developed a really great camaraderie among the readers, as well as a great place to share youtube clips, hilarious athlete and celebrity quotes, wise and not so wise gambling advice, and lots of other things that help distract us from the realities of our jobs and lives, and I would really like to see this continue. Therefore, I’m issuing one last challenge to the WAD Nation: Somebody needs to set up a site where we can all still go to talk smack and share comedy with one another. What I envision is a place where everybody has access to the username and password and can post at will. You could have unlimited posts in a day from a multitude of guys. So, what you would have is basically a message board for the WAD Nation, and I wouldn’t have the stress of having to come up with articles or the responsibility of monitoring the comments and posts. Not that I’ve given it any thought, but you could call it something like sonsofthewad.com…or not, whatever you think is best! Actually, I don’t care what you call it, but I’d love to see somebody take the initiative and set it up. I’m not volunteering for this duty, but I sure hope somebody does.

Okay, I think I’ve dragged this on long enough. Most of you probably stopped reading 300 words ago, but for those of you that didn’t, let me just again say the sincerest possible thank you for the past 15 months. Even though we never grew to a huge readership, I can’t tell you how gratifying and humbling it is to know that all you guys were reading, commenting, and supporting me this whole time. It’s been more than fun...it’s been a life experience, and I owe it all to you.