Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Re: Hasselback (Part 2)

Well, the only thing worse than taking a trip for work is the return trip. Well, at least, in my case that is true. So, since you got a look at the ordeal that was my trip to Baton Rouge, I figured you might enjoy the chronicle of the return trip. And remember, everything contained in these emails is 100% true. These are just the things that happen when I travel. It's my curse, and it's also the reason why nobody ever wants to travel with me:


---- Original Message -----
From: The WAD
Sent: Tue Sep 26 16:24:25 2006
Subject: Re: Hasselback

I'm back! Not in Atlanta of course, but I'm back on the email train! Ill be brief. The past two days have been brutal. Let's see...what if I told you that you could spend hour upon hour reading 20 year old documents and spend the rest of your time taking a beating of epic proportions at the blackjack table and battling an upset stomach that is worse than the beating at the tables only to drive over an hour at a dangerous speed to catch your flight home then find out that...you guessed it...your flight is already delayed over an hour...is that something you might be interested in? I didn't think so.

Somebody please tell me that I am going to catch a break in this lifetime....PLEASE!!!
This message was sent from Handheld Blackberry wireless device


----- Original Message -----
From: The WAD
Sent: Tue Sep 26 17:03:19 2006
Subject: Re: Hasselback

I had a few marlboro lights left from the blackjack table, so I decided to step in the smoking lounge and be one of the non dipping cool kids. While in there, I took note of three things:

1. The smoking lounge in BR is actually nice. Nice chairs, t.v. on the wall, and the patrons look like normal people. I guess it goes to prove that the nicer you make a place, the better clientele you will attract. How else do you explain why you will drive 5 miles out of your way on a road trip to take a dump at McDonald's instead of Hardees? I think that makes sense.

2. Everybody in an airport smoking lounge is asking to bum a light, because you aren't supposed to take matches or a lighter past security. So, this begs the question... How does anybody have a lighter? And, if our security system was working, wouldn't this render it impossible to light a cigarette in the airport, thus rendering the smoking rooms unnecessary? So, does the fact that I can smoke a cigarette at the airport mean that the entire security system is failing? Think about that for a while.

3. Finally, there was a pregnant teenage girl sitting in the smoking room with what I pray was her father. Granted, she herself wasn't smoking, but come on! How dumb do you have to be? Then again, I guess I shouldn't expect miracles from the state that's proud motto is "hey, we aren't Alabama!". Okay, you got me. That's not really the state motto.


----- Original Message -----
From: The WAD
Sent: Tue Sep 26 18:16:21 2006
Subject: Re: Hasselback

All set for takeoff. I'm a little nervous though, because not only is this plane tiny, but I took more pills than usual, so I'm a little scary out of it! Wait a minute... You can't make this up...as I'm typing this email, the captain comes on and says we are having a minor mechanical problem in trying to refuel the plane! I'm sorry, but the words minor and fuel never go together when an airplane is involved. CRAP! Seriously, even though I don't genuinely like many people, I think I manage to be a good person. I mean, I don't try to make people feel small or worthless unless they deserve it. So why does everything in my life turn into an ordeal? I can only think of one possible explanation, but I really don't think cheating on a history test in 4th grade would bring me this much bullsh*t. And, if you didn't get the "Goonies" reference then you deserve to feel small and worthless!


----- Original Message -----
From: The WAD
Sent: Tue Sep 26 18:43:21 2006
Subject: Re: Hasselback

Still here. Not a peep from the captain. If this flight gets cancelled, I'm walking home.



-----Original Message-----
From: The WAD
Sent: Tuesday, September 26, 2006 9:02 PM
Subject: Re: Hasselback

Just got back in Atlanta. Not before, however, the flight attendant spilled diet coke on me. In all fairness, my stupor of a state may have been a contributing factor. Anybody taking odds on whether my bag got lost? If it did, you can bet you will hear about it!



So, yes, finally I have made it back from my trip in one piece. Yes, I'm much lighter in the wallet, and I'm very sleep deprived. You should also know that my baggage was, in fact, misplaced by the good folks at the hometown airline. Fortunately, they were able to get their hands on it in less than an hour, and I, of course, remained extremely calm during the process (you believe that, right?). And, if that wasn't enough, for one last kick in the balls, 4 lanes were completely closed on 75/85 North on the drive home, so I was forced to take some back roads through a few areas of town where...well...let's just say that you could probably get a great deal on real estate. But, now, I'm home, and at least I can look forward to waking up to a pile of two day's worth of work that has piled up on my desk in my absence. Boy, I just can't wait.

By the way, tomorrow you can either have a question and answer session on the WAD (remember, we discussed this last week) or you can have a day of Fite's links tomorrow. The choice is totally up to you. Hint: if you want me to write tomorrow, send me some questions to which I can write smart ass answers.