Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Television Tuesday

I promised you conference previews this week, and I’m a man of my word. Therefore, before getting to our final “Entourage” discussion of the season, allow me to give you my detailed (by “detailed” I mean just slightly more than nothing) previews of two more of the BCS Conferences: The Big East and the Pac-10.

The Big East - Even my six year old nephew knows that there are only two relevant questions in the Big East: 1) Can Dave Wannstedt completely destroy the Pitt program in just two short years? Of course he can. 2) Who is going to win the November 2 showdown between #5 West Virginia and #13 Louisville? Well, I don’t know who is going to win, but I do know that whoever does could be the worst team since Major Harris and the Mountaineers in ’88 to play for the National Title. Stop and think about that and try not to throw up.

The Pac -10 - Sure, USC has a completely new backfield, but I spent over an hour trying to come up with a rational argument to pick anybody else to win the Pac-10, and I just couldn’t. I mean, I considered talking about the great home field advantage in Eugene, or the fact that Mike Stoops and Arizona are poised for a break out, or that Karl Dorrell might be building something in Westwood, or that Ty Willingham is bound to show improvement in Seattle. I considered talking about all those things, but in the end I just couldn’t bring myself to bullshit you. USC is the only relevant program in the Pac-10, and they will again coast to the title. If you don’t believe me, I’m willing to entertain all wagers.

Now that I’ve given the Big East and Pac-10 200 more words than they deserve, let me ask you a question: What if I were to tell you that I promise to never talk about the Big East or the Pac – 10 again? Would that be something you would be interested in? (I know that this line has been tossed around more than Paris Hilton in the last few weeks, but much like Paris, I couldn’t be the only guy not to get his shot!) Okay, with the cheap transition out of the way, let’s talk “Entourage” for the last time this season.

As a preliminary matter, let me first say that I won’t be posing the traditional 5 questions arising from this week’s episode of “Entourage”. Why? It’s simple really. I refuse to acknowledge what happened at the end of this week’s episode. Since I won’t acknowledge the ending, I have to completely dismiss everything that led up to it. Therefore, much like last year’s Emerald Bowl and this year’s Braves’ season, Sunday night’s episode of “Entourage” never happened. But, even though the last episode didn’t happen, the season did. Therefore, let’s take a minute to reflect.

Even the biggest “Entourage” apologist (me) has to admit that there is no way to view this season as anything but a disappointment. Of course, there were some highlights: the high school party, the threesome, and the Vegas trip (I still haven’t stopped laughing about Seth Green’s Jackson Pollock reference). On the whole, however, the show reminded me of Greg Maddux over the last three seasons. I mean, it’s still a hall of famer, it is still capable of the occasional greatness, but ultimately it just don’t have the same juice it once did.

It seemed as if the writers simply got confused this season. It’s as if they decided that it was important to interject conflict and drama into the show to take it to some new level. What they don’t seem to realize, however, is that this show was already functioning at the highest possible level it could. Until this season, the writers knew what they had: thirty minutes a week to make every man in America that doesn’t get paid to be in movies or play sports envious of four dudes from Queens. As I’ve said before, the formula for success was simple: recreational drug and alcohol use + irresponsible spending + ridiculously hot chicks + tons of Ari = Gold (Ah yes, that was intentional). But, it seems Gold wasn’t good enough, and in Season 3, they reached for platinum, only to come up well short. Not to worry though, if they just revert back to the simple formula, it shouldn’t be hard to mount a strong resurgence in Season 4.

With all that said, I must say one last thing before putting this season to bed: If Ari goes, I go. Seriously, this isn’t even debatable.