I had every intention of expanding this week’s “Television Tuesday” to cover Tony Kornheiser’s much anticipated debut on Monday Night Football, but as it too often does, work got in the way. By the time I settled in to watch the game it was already halftime, and I think it should be clear after yesterday’s column how I feel about the second half of preseason football. Not even the Old Orange Guy was enough to capture my interest. (The Orange reference is for all of you that used to be die hard fans of T.K.’s old ESPN Radio show – that may only be Fite and I, but it’s important that I amuse myself from time to time!). So, I’m going to have to rely on you guys to tell me how T.K. faired in his debut. I, however, am more than prepared to say a few things about the post Seth Green beat down world of “Entourage.”
I always try to make sure I give credit where credit is due, and I’ve got to give mad props to my boy, Vines, for his dead on “Entourage” predictions. Weeks ago, Vines predicted that there would be no way that Turtle’s success would become a main focus of the show, and he also predicted that Vince would come out of his Hollywood Foreign Press debacle smelling like a rose. Granted, I don’t think we are dealing with the next Nostradamus, but after last night’s episode, it appears obvious that Vines was dead on when it comes to this season of “Entourage.” I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not disappointed that Turtle is back to being no more than Vince’s driver. Granted, he’s now Vince’s driver with $40K in cash in his pocket, but he’s still just a driver. But, in the long run, as Vines said weeks ago, the long term health of the show is definitely better off with Vince carrying the load for the entire group. (Based on the previews for next week’s episode, it appears that Drama’s return to career disaster is only a week away.)
Speaking of Vince, I can’t even begin to rationally discuss the absurdity of this guy’s life. I mean, he wakes up in the morning, rolls out to the bookstore, spends the afternoon getting to know a smoking hot engaged chick in the Biblical sense, and then stumbles his way into his next movie that happens to be produced by a legendary producer. Yea, he’s certainly done a lot lately to deserve this kind of luck. The real kick in the balls is that you just know that there are really guys in Hollywood that live like this. There’s got to be a reason Collin Ferrell always looks exhausted. Okay, so maybe that’s the booze and Quaaludes, but you get the point. Alright, that’s enough babbling, so let’s move onto the five questions:
1) I understand the j.v. writing squad was involved last night, but is it too hard for even them to come up with original material? I, of course, am referring to the fact that the scene with drama being held over the balcony was a direct rip off of Vanilla Ice’s legendary tale of Suge Knight doing the same thing to him. This was so bad that I even saw it coming when they stepped out on the balcony. Even worse may have been the fact that the writers played out “the list” scene without giving a nod to its origin on “Friends.” Just two reprehensible mistakes. I’m pretty sure that not even Puff Daddy/Puffy/P. Diddy/Diddy ever ripped anybody off this blatantly.
2) Am I the only person that can never look at Martin Landau again without seeing Professor Petrovsky? I’m sorry, but he’ll always be the man that saved Mike McD’s ass to me. I have nothing else to say about this. I just thought it was important that you know. “Gin…always gin!”
3) Anybody else notice that Turtle has made $50K in cash over the past two weeks for hanging out with strippers and not signing a rapper to a deal? It’s official, I would trade lives with Turtle. I’ve never felt more depressed.
4) Can we get a little more Mrs. Ari? Listen, I’m not a huge fan of when the show focuses on Ari’s home life, but I need a little dose of Mrs. Ari from time to time. She’s elevated herself right behind Cheryl Hines as the sexiest not really sexy woman on t.v. You know what I’m saying? You go out to midtown Atlanta, or to Underbar in Union Square on any given Saturday night, and you are likely to see dozens of girls hotter than either Mrs. Ari (her real name is Perrey Reeves) or Mrs. David, but for some reason none of them are even close to as sexy as these ladies. Okay, I’m pretty sure that I’m not making any sense right now, so instead of digging myself a 20 foot hole trying to explain myself, I’m going to move on.
5) Does Hollywood actually have any good script ideas, or are they all destined to end up as imaginary movies on “Entourage”? First there was “Aquaman” (admittedly, this didn’t seem that cool at first), then “Medellin” (this move MUST be made), and now, “I Wanna Be Sedated”. Honestly, this is a movie I would love to see. You always hear about how influential The Ramones were, and you know a few of their songs, but you don’t really know much more than that. In other words, you know just enough, and you don’t know just enough to make this a movie that you would have to see. It would be a sure fire hit. Would somebody please give me a Hollywood studio to run? I promise the world would be a better place.