Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Television Tuesday

We got the week off to a strong start yesterday, and I’m hoping we can keep it going today with a little “Entourage” talk. After much anticipation, the boys finally made the pilgrimage to Vegas, and good times definitely ensued. As Stats said in an email yesterday, “things are back to normal.” It’s definitely been an up and down season, but the Varsity writing squad definitely showed up for this week’s episode, and they returned to the formula that made this show great to start with: lots of Ari + irresponsible spending + ridiculously hot chicks = Good times. If the last three episodes of the season stick to the formula, we should be in for some great times. As usual, however, as we look forward to the last three episodes, we’ve got some questions:

1) How much money does Vince really have? I know we’ve been over this before, but when this guy starts saying things like, “I don’t want to lose more than $500K”, you have to scratch your head. I mean, this guy has made one hit movie, just got fired by one major studio, just alienated another, lives in a $4 million house, bought three Aston Martins, four Italian motorcycles, a case full of diamonds for his Mother, and an apartment, Hummer, and multiple high dollar hookers for his ex-con buddy! Oh, and he personally supports his half brother and two best friends! Is it just me or would this guy be better off with Don King as his financial advisor?

2) Is Drama in the closet? I mean, I know he turned down Ken’s offer, but you have to admit that everything he said and did leading up to that point made you wonder. Seriously, what man in his right mind thinks it’s normal to insist that another man come back to your room and rub you down before you go to sleep? Not that there is anything wrong with that.

3) How would you have reacted if you had $300K on the table and the guy next to you split Kings? I can’t speak for everybody, but I do know that I would have made Ari’s reaction look tame. As this scene was unfolding, I had to stop myself from going through the television screen. In fact, even though everything worked out for Vince and Ari, I’m still furious, because I just know that I will be sitting next to some moron sometime in the near future that is going to remember this scene and decide it’s a good idea to split Kings. Let me be very clear about this: Unless you are playing at a table by yourself, you should NEVER split tens. If you do, the other players at the table can murder you with complete immunity. If you think I’m joking, you should know that the last time I was in Vegas, I had $25 on the table and the guy sitting on third base hit a 13 when the dealer was showing a 5, and I actually looked at him and asked, “are you f*cking retarded?” Now, I’m a pretty rational guy that typically goes out of his way not to piss people off, but it took every bit of self control I had not to break my empty glass over his head. The point? If you are going to play Blackjack, please know what the hell you are doing when you sit down. I can forgive just about anything in the world, but moronic play at the Blackjack table is something I just can’t forgive.

4) Is there any doubt that those guys hanging with Seth Green are his boys in real life? Not only am I absolutely positive that these are his boys, but I am absolutely positive that this was the highlight of their lives. I’ve got to tell you, there are plenty of dudes in Hollywood that I would be okay with being a member of their posse, but Seth Green? I just don’t think I could live with myself.

5) Did the boys have any choice but to throw down with Seth and his boys? Of course not. It’s often said that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. Well, I think it’s fair to say that we can add the following to that list: If some guy makes reference to your boy’s girlfriends’ face and a Jackson Pollock in the same breath, you have no choice but to kill him where he stands. I would hope we can all agree on that. That being said, I think it’s only fair to admit that this was the most devastating insult I’ve ever heard. So, I guess we have to give Seth some credit.

Finally, this episode registered a perfect 10 on the “how much I hate my life” meter. Sure, I was excited that the show returned to its proven formula. At the end of the day, however, I just pray to God that one day I have the chance to lose $300K on one Blackjack hand. And yes, I realize that I have a significant problem.