Wednesday, July 26, 2006

WAD Bowl I

I’ll be real honest with you, it’s not always easy coming up with things to write about, and it’s even harder when the only game in town is baseball and the Braves lose. So, on a day like today, after the Braves dropped a heartbreaker to the worst franchise to ever win a World Series (much less two), it takes all the imagination I can muster to come up with a topic. Believe it or not, I was actually prepared to give you 2,000 words about the newest show to achieve “must record” status on my DVR, “The Hills.” I mean, I was actually prepared to give you all the reasons why I find Heidi loathsome, Audrina sexy in a very dirty way, Whitney very endearing and sincere, and Lauren (L.C. from “Laguna Beach”) a solid candidate to be the future Mrs. WAD. Seriously, despite the fact that I make Hans reduce the size of the picture during “The Hills” so Lauren doesn’t look too chunky, I think she’s an absolute babe. Not only is she beautiful, but she manages to come across as sane in the midst of all the insanity and lack of reality around her. I’m convinced she’s the total package! And yes, I know that I’m about two seconds away from being forced to surrender my man card.

Well, lucky for you, Stats has come to the rescue, and you don’t have to endure one more word about “The Hills”…for now! At any rate, I’m pleased to announce that Stats has taken the initiative and set up the First Annual WAD Fantasy Football League a/k/a WAD Bowl I. I, for one, am incredibly excited about this league. With the cast of characters here on the WAD, if nothing else, we should have the greatest trash talking league of all time. But, I know I don’t have to sell you, so I will just give you the details:

1) We will be using ESPN.com as our fantasy host. Just like Yahoo and unlike Las Vegas, ESPN offers a free fantasy service, and it is widely recognized as a better host than Yahoo.

2) Stats will be the commissioner, but Shalloway, of course, will handle all the money. Okay, that’s not true. I will handle the money, but it was just too easy a joke.

3) There is no password for the league; instead, it is by invitation only. Therefore, you will need to send an email to wadbowl@yahoo.com if you are interested, and Stats will send you an invitation to join the league. It’s very easy. In so doing, however, you are giving Stats full access to your email, which will certainly lead to an endless string of emails discussing parlays, teasers, pocket aces, and video poker. Well, maybe not video poker...yet!

4) The online draft is set for September 4 at 9 P.M. ET (this is the Monday Night before the first regular season game)

5) Co-owners are allowed. In fact, if you look in the mirror and you see a man with little to know attention span looking back at you, please find a buddy to help you run your team. I can’t emphasize this enough.

6) We have room for 20 teams (8 are already taken, so act fast), and we will divide the league into divisions if we have enough teams. If the demand exceeds 20 teams, we will figure something out. By “we”, I mean Stats.

7) Once all the owners are established, we will discuss a small entry fee (probably something like $20), and the payouts will be established before the first game, with a portion to go to the American Cancer Society.

8) Female owners are not only welcomed, but encouraged. And yes, I know for a fact that some ladies do read the WAD, and its time to break your silence and make your presence felt. Not to mention, you might actually have something to talk to you boyfriend/husband about during football season. And, if your boyfriend/husband isn’t into fantasy football, you are probably with the wrong man!

9) Feel free to post any questions about the league here on The WAD, and someone will undoubtedly address them promptly. If, however, your question is dumb, or addressed at any point in this post…well…just make sure you read this post carefully before posting a question.

10) Each week, we will be starting 1 QB, 1 RB, 1 RB/WR, 2 WR, 1 TE, 1 Def/ST, and 1 K. You can carry 8 additional players on your bench. So, have no fear UGA boys, there will be plenty of room on your roster for David Greene.

11) The first person to draft Marshall Faulk will be banned from the league on the spot, and your entry fee will not be returned.

12) It will be my sole mission in life to destroy any team that drafts Ben Roethlisberger.