Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Belated Musings and Television Tuesday

First off, sorry for yesterday’s airball. I got more than a few emails asking me what the hell was going on. Most of them went something like, “dude, it’s Monday Musings, that’s the easiest thing you do. What’s up?” Well, yes, it’s true, Monday Musings is pretty much the easiest thing I do, but even they aren’t easy enough to overcome the dreaded “blue screen of death” on the laptop. Fortunately, however, thanks to some solid I.T. help, I’m back up and running today. Not only am I happy that the WAD is back in play, but I’m more than a little relieved that I don’t have to spend another day working on a pc in a secretary’s cubical. Let’s just say that I tend to say a lot of things at the office that are better said behind the closed door of my office than out in the public domain of the office hallways. So, now that I have overcome the laptop crisis, not only can I slip back into my office where the odds of me getting fired are dramatically less (probably still high, but not as high as they would be if I had to continue to sit with the secretaries), but we can get back to the business at hand. I figure the best thing to do is give you about 2,000 words of Musings, and “Entourage”.

Musings

1) Well, everybody else in the world is asking the question, so why should I be any different, what the hell was Zidane thinking? His head-butt was simply unfathomable. The only thing I can equate it to would be if Michael Jordan had simply turned around and punched John Stockton in the face in the fourth quarter of Game 6 of one of those classic Bulls/Jazz Finals. I mean, sure, just like Stockton, I’m sure the Italian dude was cheap shotting Zidane the whole match and trying to bait him, and I can only guess as to how offensive the comment made by the Italian dude was, but there is no way it could have been offensive enough for Zidane to lose his head at that moment in time. He was ten minutes away from PK’s in his last match ever, and it just happened to be in the World Cup Finals. In the end, who knows if it really had any effect on the outcome, but that doesn’t change the fact that it shouldn’t have happened. It was simply inexcusable, and it was so bizarre that I still can believe it actually happened. That being said, it only confirmed all my worst feelings about the French.

2) One last thing about the World Cup, and then I promise you won’t have to read another thing about soccer on the WAD for another four years (by the way, what are the odds I’m still doing this in 4 years?): There is simply no singular act in sports more exciting than a World Cup goal. It’s a combination of everything. It’s the fact that they are so rare, coupled with the fact that the crowd goes absolutely bananas with every goal, and the fact that it clearly means so much to every player on the field. Could you imagine football players being moved to near tears every time their team scored a touchdown? It’s simply amazing, and I’ve truly enjoyed every goal I’ve seen over the past month.

3) Just when the Hawks looked like things might be turning around in the second half of this past season, they go out and draft Shelden Williams, they can only manage to sign Speedy Claxton, and then this Belkin mess rears its head again. Granted, I’m not an optimist by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m on the brink of throwing my hands up and quitting. Seriously, I just don’t see any reason to have hope at this point. Maybe I’ll change my tune by October, but I seriously doubt it.

4) Mark my words (and by that, I mean only remember this if I’m right): The Atlanta Braves will get within at least 5 games of the Mets in the second half of the season. I’m not predicting they will win the Division for a 16th straight year, but they will put a scare into the Mets, and it will be interesting to see if the second class citizens of NYC have the sack to withstand the challenge. If you think a team that has to rely on an aging Tommy Glavine and an injured Pedro Martinez to carry them is going to run away with the division, you are nuts. If I was a Mets fan, I would lie awake at night sweating the fact that Steve Trachsel is my third starter.

5) How much do you think Dallas Austin had to pay for his pardon in Dubai? I figure he only had to give away a few hundred “A-T-L” cd’s. After all, it is a very catchy tune.

6) David Wright vs. Ryan Howard in the Homerun Derby Final: That’s the stuff legends are made of. I guess it could be worse. If the NBA were running the MLB All Star festivities, we would probably have Dale Murphy facing off against Don Mattingly in a game of pepper.

7) Speaking of the MLB All Star Game, I’m not going to go into this in too much detail, because those of you who know me have heard me scream and holler about this plenty, but I find it utterly offensive that home field advantage in the World Series comes down to the winner of this game. You mean to tell me that it makes any damn sense at all that a 9th inning showdown between Scott Kazmir and Carlos Lee could decide whether Game 7 of the Series is played in Fenway Park or Bush Stadium? This ranks up there in the top 5 most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. Somewhere above my buddy’s comment that “Lindsay Lohan looks better without boobs”, and somewhere below another unnamed buddy’s comment that “you know, Paris Hilton doesn’t have a bad voice.”

8) Yes, it’s true, they are making “Rocky VI”, and I saw the trailer this weekend when I went to see “Pirates of the Caribbean II”, and yes, it looks absolutely horrible, and yes, I’ve already reserved my opening night tickets.

9) Speaking of “Pirates II”, except for the fact that Keira Knightley is absurdly hot, the movie was beyond disappointing. It lacked the dialogue and humor that made the first movie very enjoyable. It’s almost as if Johnny Depp was a secondary character, and I didn’t laugh a single time. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a fan of 30 minute long sword fights you will love it. If not, wait for the dvd. I, however, could be wrong. It did out gross “Aquaman” on its opening weekend!

10) One final musing before moving on. It’s not often that Bill Simmons infuriates me, but it does it happen on rare occasions, and yesterday was one of those occasions. In yesterday’s column about the players with the Top 40 trade value, he had the audacity to compare Marvin Williams to Darko. Let’s just say that I actually punched the enormous computer screen in the secretary’s cubicle when I read this. While hindsight certainly reveals that Chris Paul would look great in a Hawks’ uniform, that is no reason to crap on Marvin, and no matter how you slice it comparing Marvin to Darko was crapping on him. I don’t even know what else to say. It was simply absurd, and it was uncalled for. Don’t let it happen again Bill!

So, enough with my belated Musings, let’s talk about the boys from Queens.

“Entourage”

In the words of the great Dan Kuhn (clearly stolen from Verne Lundquist), YES SIIIIRRR! We definitely had the varsity squad of writers for this week’s episode, and we are back. Not only did we have our first Saigon sighting, but he’s blowing up. Not only did the boys get some new toys, but they got three brand new Aston Martins. Not only is Ari wielding power again, but he got that young punk working his daughter shipped off to a third world former Soviet republic for 24 weeks. In short, good things are happening, and based on the previews for next week, they are only getting better. So, let’s ask the important questions:

1) Is Drama’s career about to have a resurgence now that he is part of Team Gold? For Johnny’s sake, I hope so. For the first time ever, during this week’s episode, you actually had to feel a little sorry for Drama. I mean, with things blowing up for Turtle, Vince, and Eric (more on the amazing new developments in Eric’s life in just a minute), Drama is the only one of the group stuck in neutral. You’ve got to figure Ari can pull a few strings and get Drama some work. The only question is whether Drama is willing to Skinemax. My guess is that he is.

2) What did Michael Bay and Kevin Smith do to piss off the writers? Wow, the collective reaction of Vince and E when Ari told them Michael Bay was directing and Kevin Smith was writing “A2” was devastating. Let’s just say that I don’t think you are going to see Jeremy Pivens, Kevin Connolly, or Adrian Grenier starring in “The Rock II” or “Clerks III” any time soon.

3) Is it just me, or does “Medellin” sound like an amazing movie? Have you ever seen the “Biography” of Pablo Escobar on A&E? I’m not sure I can think of a guy whose story needs to be told in a movie more than this guy’s. Listening to Paul Haggis talk about the movie in this episode, I found myself dying to see it. Then, I, of course, remembered this is a fictional show. Seriously, if somebody doesn’t seize on this idea, my theory that Hollywood is filled with morons will be confirmed. If I can’t have a real life “Aquaman” can I at least get a real life “Medellin”? I’m begging.

4) How perfect was the necklace Saigon gave Turtle? To steal from the man I just threatened above, on the Bill Simmons unintentional comedy scale, this had to rank somewhere in the high 90’s. I just pray that Turtle starts wearing it every where he goes.

5) Is E really going to have a threesome with Sloan and some other sure to be smoking hot chick? There’s not much socially acceptable stuff that I can say about this. In fact, I can’t think of a single thing. Suffice it to say, if this happens, I will leave next week’s episode hating my life more than ever. And, as I’ve told you before, that is how I judge the quality of an “Entourage” episode. After this week’s episode, on a scale of 1 to 10, my hatred of my own life was around an 8. If Eric pulls this off next week, I can predict a new record of a 14. Good times.