It’s Tuesday morning, so no need to waste your time with introductions (translation = I have nothing interesting to say), let’s get down to it:
I’ll just go ahead and say it before you can start thinking it: this was an absolutely atrocious episode of “Entourage.” I hate to admit it, it’s like admitting that your son was the reason his team lost the Little League game, but I just don’t have any choice. Sometimes the facts are just too indisputable to argue anything to the contrary. If only I could convince all the other lawyers in the world of that! Anyway, I digress. The fact is that we finally had a chance to have a few episodes of nothing but the boys hopping from club to club and woman to woman, while purchasing ridiculously expensive toys along the way. Not to mention that Vince’s success could have served as a springboard for the rejuvenation of Ari’s career, which could have resulted in transcendent comedy. But no! The writers and producers couldn’t give us that! Instead, they gave us more unnecessary drama by introducing the ex-con Dom into our lives. Just completely unnecessary. Did you ever think you would see the character that made you long for the days of Mandy Moore? Yep, me neither. It was just completely disheartening.
All that being said, I’m still counting the days until the next episode. After all, the first episode of the season was sub-par (that’s probably being kind), and the second episode was a first ballot Hall of Famer. So, at least we have the very real hope that episode four will make up for the sins of episode three. With that in mind, let’s turn to the pressing questions after three weeks of Season 3:
1) If the boys had had a fifth spoke in the wheel back in Queens, shouldn’t we have heard about him by now? After all, one of the major themes of the entire show is that these are four guys that are so tight they would lay down in front of oncoming traffic for each other (yes, I stole that from Robin Williams in “Good Will Hunting”), and at no time in two plus seasons have they ever felt compelled to talk about how they miss the fifth guy that is doing time back home? And, what’s even more unbelievable is that we learned that Vince essentially owes his entire life and stardom to this guy for taking the rap for him on a possession charge, and we’ve never heard a single word about this? It’s just all too ridiculous for me. Okay, so the writers felt like they needed to come up with a new source of drama for this season. Alright, that’s fine. I don’t agree, but I get it. But, when they put their heads together, they decided that making a reach like this was the best they could come up with? C’mon, that’s just absurd. I mean, these were the guys that came up with the Bob Saggett loves hookers episode, and this is where they go? I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’m really pissed about Dom. Fine, I’ll let it go and move on…
2) Where the hell is Sloane? We had a brief sighting at the “Aquaman” premier, but nothing else in three episodes. And, we’ve now seen E waking up in the morning twice this season, and Sloane is nowhere to be found either time. Here’s why I’m pissed about the lack of Sloane: 1) She’s really freaking hot, and I would really like to look at her; and 2) We are leaving some incredible comedy on the table here. I mean, after what went down with her Dad and Ari, how awkward would it be every time she and Ari were in the same room? Wouldn’t this make for some fantastic Ari moments? I just get the sense that there are two teams of writers for “Entourage” and episodes 1 and 3 were definitely written by the J.V. squad, and both teams have dropped the ball when it comes to Sloane. No matter who is writing, however, if we don’t see more of Sloane in the upcoming episodes, I’m not going to be very happy.
3) Does Ari have the juice to crush that little punk that is sweating his daughter? (Yes, I just used the word sweating, and I really enjoyed it.) Last year at this time, I would have said with 100% certainty that Ari would be able to make a few phone calls, mention something about Max and genital warts, or cocaine, or both, and that kid’s life would have peaked at age 13. Now, sadly, I just don’t know. After Episode 1, I talked about how uncomfortable I am with the notion of a semi – emasculated Ari. Well, after Episode 2, I was hopeful that those days would quickly be behind us. Now, after watching that little shit mouth off to Ari at the water park, I’m just not so sure any more. I mean, my gut tells me that it will only be a matter of time before Max makes Corey Feldman look wildly successful, but I do have some lingering doubt. Therefore, I am uncomfortable all over again. Not good times.
4) Is Turtle’s Saigon project a complete failure? We are three episodes in, and still no mention of Saigon, so it’s not looking good for Turtle. I hate to keep hounding on this one, but it would be nice if we just got a clue. After all, the Turtle/Saigon storyline was one of the prominent story lines over the last half of last season, and now it seems to have just vanished. This is a product of both the j.v. writing crew, and the fact that HBO has inexplicably failed to expand “Entourage” to one hour. I could write an entire article about why this show should be an hour, but I’ll spare you that rant today. Suffice it to say, half an hour is just not enough time to cover all the ground that could be covered each week. Again, we are just leaving way too much on the table.
5) Why is HBO so obsessed with male nudity? Seriously, between all the man ass this season on “Big Love”, “Deadwood”, “Luckie Louie” (an absolutely atrocious show by the way), and now with Dom’s exhibition in the kitchen, it’s starting to get a little out of control. Here’s my solution, HBO should just start up a male version of “G-String Divas” and run it at 4 a.m. on Thursday mornings, and those folks that dig man ass could set their DVRs, and the rest of us could go on with our man ass free lives. That sounds reasonable doesn’t it?
So, episode 3 is in the books, and we can only hope that the varsity writing squad shows up for episode 4. Even if they don’t, however, you can be sure that I’ll still be watching, and you will still be reading about it next Tuesday.