Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Television Tuesday

I’ll just let you know that it was tough for me to write today’s article because my head almost exploded last night. I mean, with Lebron leading the Cavs to a 2-2 series tie with the Pistons, the Mavs trying to put a stranglehold on the Spurs, the penultimate episode of “24”, and the season finales of “Prison Break” and “Grey’s Anatomy”, let’s just say that it took everything I could muster to survive. At least, now I know what it must feel like for a marathon runner to break the tape. Thank God for DVR and my wicked t.v. skills. Actually, when I think about it, this might have been my crowning achievement as a t.v. junkie. But, I digress. After all was said and done, here’s what I could muster for Television Tuesday:

“The Sopranos”

Well, after all that build up about Monday night, we start with the best of Sunday night. The bad news is that this week’s episode was slow and uneventful. The good news, however, is that I’m going be brief. Here’s where we’re at: Johnny Sac has lost all credibility, Paulie claims to have cancer (don’t think for a minute that I believe this guy), Christopher’s wife still doesn’t look pregnant, Silvio is still unintentionally hilarious, Janice has officially won the title of the undisputed most repugnant character on television, Bobby looks ridiculous with an eye patch/bandage, Meadow is never going to marry Phin, Vito just keeps making things worse for himself, and we are slowly drawing closer to the inevitable Brooklyn vs. North Jersey war between Phil and Tony. Trust me! It’s coming.


The first nine minutes were tremendous. The deletion of the tape was discovered, Jack figured out it was Miles, choked Miles, Karen made the full fledged leap into the baddest woman on the planet, Logan set Bauer free, Bierko escaped, and the world was again under the threat of terrorists. In the words of my man Verne, YES SIRRRRRRRR. I like the “fighting terrorists” Jack much better than the “save my own ass” Jack. So, here we go, five burning questions after last night’s episode:

1) How long until Bill and Karen take it to the next level? I know I’m not the only one that caught the little arm brush and batting of the eyes when Karen said, “I trust your judgment Bill.” I bet you do baby. Live with that visual the rest of the day.

2) Has any fringe character ever made a greater rise to prominence than Aaron Pierce? Honestly, stop and think about this. Year after year, he stood by David Palmer’s side serving loyally and lending help to Jack whenever needed. Now, he has found himself playing the role of full fledged hero, and he plays it well. His “f off speech” to Logan was amazing. And, at the moment when I genuinely thought he was already dead, I was pissed. In fact, I wasn’t this pissed when Tony died. That just doesn’t happen with a fringe every day. I would go as far as to say that Aaron Pierce has built more admiration and loyalty in less lines than any character in television history. And yes, I actually spent thirty minutes thinking about this before coming to this conclusion. I have a sickness.

3) Is Martha Logan capable of having a scene where she’s not crying, shaking, or acting like a complete nut bag? I mean, even when she’s doing the right thing, she’s a mess. I guess I have to give her a free pass thought since Aaron is going to get with her. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

4) So, are we supposed to like Christopher Henderson now? This is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome in every season of “24”. Just when you get used to liking someone, they turn evil. Just when you think someone is evil, they start working on our side. It gets to the point where you start suspecting that everybody might be a traitor. For example, am I the only one that was looking a little funny at the helicopter pilot flying Jack to the submarine? Maybe it was the goatee, but he just looked shady.

5) Is it really that easy to take over a submarine and arm its weapons system? I mean, Bierko and his men did all this in less than two minutes. If it’s really this easy, I may never actually sleep again.

6) Fine, I’m only asking this one more time: WHERE IS KIM BAUER???? I’m starting to think it’s just not going to happen, but I’ll be damned if I’m giving up that easy.

“Pistons vs. Cavs”

Yes ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a series. And yes Rasheed, consider yourself lucky because you are now a witness! Here’s the scary thing: Lebron only shot 8/23 last night, and the Cavs still won. Of course, those 8 boards and 9 assists didn’t hurt. If he finds a way to lead the Cavs to a victory in this series…well….I just really don’t even know what to say. We’ve finally found the person that leaves me speechless.

“Spurs vs. Mavs”

Good thing for Dirk the refs only let Bruce Bowen get away with 6 hacks a possession. In all honesty, the way they let him manhandle people is UNBELIEVABLE. It’s even more amazing when you consider that nobody else in the league can so much as look at a guy with the ball in his hands without getting a whisle. How did this ever happen? I mean, we’re not talking about Kobe, Lebron, or even a fringe All Star. We’re talking about Bruce Freaking Bowen! For the good of the League, could we hire somebody to get those pictures of Stern back from Bowen? Okay, I promise, that’s the last time I complain about this.

Luckily for the Mavs, they were able to pull this thing out in O.T. so the Bowen absurdity didn’t matter. What did matter, however, was how the Spurs played the last :26 of overtime. What was going on there? They were down five points and had to foul, only….they didn’t foul!!! It’s almost as if Al Skinner suddenly inhabited Pop’s body. I’m still absolutely baffled by this. If any of you have an explanation for this please enlighten me.

“Grey’s Anatomy”

Boy, stealing an organ isn’t nearly as big a deal as I thought it was. Granted, I’ve never dealt with this area of the law, but I’ve got a hunch that there are some statutes that cover this. Oh, and, I had no idea that you could get a new heart and be sitting up professing your love to a beautiful woman in a matter of hours. This is the kind of stuff you learn on “Grey’s Anatomy”. Well, putting the sublime and the ridiculous aside, the three hour, two night season finale was great. Granted, I don’t think it was as good as I hoped it would be, but it was solid. Now that it’s all said and done, I don’t have too much to say. Well, except:

1) Put watching a dog being euthanized on the list of things I could have done without seeing on television.

2) O’Malley is lucky that he made up with his girlfriend, because she would undoubtedly beat him down. Seriously, a total mis-match.

3) Even though Janice from “The Sopranos” has stolen her crown, Dr. Yang is still absolutely disgusting. At this point, I don’t even think she could redeem herself by ending world hunger and curing all of Jerry’s Kids.

4) If Meredith wants people to stop calling her a whore maybe she should try not sleeping with a married man. Just a thought.

5) All of you with the “no way Denny makes it through this season” ticket please step forward and collect your winnings at the first counter. (Of course, it only pays $.10 on the dollar, but hey, you’re still better off than Denny.)

6) Everybody who wants to buy a “Izzy really quits the program” ticket, step right up, I’ll be happy to sell you one at a good price, and….

7) you can pick up your “Burke never performs surgery again” ticket at the same time.

8) Poor Chris O’Donnell. First Matt Damon and now Patrick Dempsey! This guy just can’t catch a break.